Idiots of a Feather, Bunk Together...

You're next, Marty...

Mongoose Goodwill Tour 2014

As Marty expands upon his "kinder, gentler" approach by sharing puppy dog and Marie Osmond memes, one has to wonder what precipitated this curious change of lifestyle.

Linda: "I got teased about you at Dunkin' Donuts again and $20 is missing from my purse. I can't take too much more of this.  Who ate my pork rinds? I was planning on eating those for breakfast, damnit!"

Marty: "I swear I can turn this around, starting with my latest address to City Council. Give me another chance, baby. I'll loofah your stretch marks again?  Then we'll hit Lee's Coney and 'Pizza Me'. Those guys owe me for the shout out on Ellen!"

Linda: "We need to talk."

All of the readers here at CoM have expressed their absolute astonishment that any woman would consider Marty for anything more serious than cleaning her windshield at a busy intersection. Why would anyone decide this moronic man child was someone they would want to be in a relationship with? You could never call Linda a gold digger, as Marty is on public assistance and he abandoned the vast Prehn estate when he skipped out on the rent. Marty's entire life is one huge lie so how could he possibly convince a woman to let him move in and feed him? We all know he had to have told some great lies to pull that off. Or maybe Lovely Linda is just as pathetic. Only her father would hire her, so they have that in common. Oh, the ties that bind...

Now that Linda is stuck with a fat, worthless and incredibly stupid superhero, has she finally decided to flex her financial muscle on Marty? Has the pressure placed on Linda to explain Marty's actions, or justify her participation in his scams and threats, forced her to rein in his stupidity? Did she threaten his $80/week paycheck? Is Linda the reason for the latest version of the Depression Dawg?

We first noticed the change in Marty shortly after fear of confrontation by Marty's foe caused Linda to become physically ill. Was this the event that forced her to give Marty an ultimatum? "Leave those people alone or find a new place to live, you idiot." Denying Marty lived with her and claiming they aren't a couple didn't work so is forcing Marty to change his lying, threatening ways the next step? How long can the Mongoose keep up his charitable nice guy act before the real Marty comes out again?

This blog is officially predicting that it won't last long at all.  The only thing Marty has going for him is consistency. He fails at everything, lies about anything and is despised by everyone.

Perhaps Papa Fergan will step up to the plate and save his little girl, the business and whatever is left of the family name soon.
 
Or not.  "Marty's Carquest" does have a certain ring to it...

Good Morning, Linda...

Marty Prehn's Latest Persona Grab Bag

There is a saying in life some people use: Change is Inevitable, especially with our favorite idiot, Marty Prehn. It seems that there is a different Mongoose for any occasion, complete with a themed hat.  

Now if Linda could just get him to change his underwear...

At the latest State of the Mongoose address to Monday's Saint Clair Shores City Council, the newest incarnation of Marty was unveiled. As is his pattern, Marty changes every time the season does. He became an "Advocate for the Public" with his vast knowledge of deed restrictions this past summer. He claimed to be leading the fight in the great Berkley parking crusade, all while serving as a Guardian Angel for a man who didn't know or want to have anything to do with Marty. Now that the leaves and temperatures are falling, it was time for a new version of Marty to magically appear where he's neither invited or welcome.

As Marty addressed the council this week, complete with props, a new kinder, gentler Mongoose was introduced. There were no attacks, code enforcement claims, not even a mention of cyber stalkers. This is a drastic change from what we usually get from Marty. I can't help but accredit this new tactic to Linda. After Robin approached Linda about Marty's claims that included her, Linda became so scared it made her physically sick. This, from a woman who shares her bathroom with Marty, so you know she was pretty nauseous. I'm of the opinion that Marty's meal ticket laid down the law and told Marty to quit attacking people because it was now affecting her. There has also been a new effort by Marty to give the appearance that he no longer lives at Linda's. He even claimed at the council meeting that he now lives in Eastpointe. Sorry Marty and Linda, you're not fooling anyone with that. After waddling up to the microphone, does it surprise anyone here that the first words out of his mouth is a complete lie?

As luck would have it, there was another suicide walk scheduled for the weekend following the great event weekend he had planned but didn't bother to show up for. This gave Marty the chance to become a full fledged National Suicide Prevention Advocate. He just continued on with his OPA fundraising and a new national goal of raising a million dollars. This would allow Marty to expand out of Macomb, a county that has grown quite tired of his craziness, with his new persona. We all know Marty is a master at coming up with catchy names for all of his events and his own superhero greatness. Now that Elder Dawg and Elder Avenger don't apply to his newest crusade, we're left to speculate as to what his latest moniker will be. Here are a few possibilities complete, with what their "good work superpower" will be:

Suicide Avenger©:
This superhero will be on constant lookout for suicide victims to exploit. He'll scan all the local newspapers looking for recent suicides so he can can start trying to contact the survivors with his offers to aid them. When he is shunned and unable to exploit anyone, his superpower will take over. He'll research police and autopsy reports looking for details he can use to inflict added pain on the victims for his revenge.

Depression Dawg©:
A distant cousin to McGruff and the younger litter mate of Elder Dawg, this canine will battle depression. A tail wagging dog that's excited to see you will cheer up almost anyone and Depression Dawg will serve basically the same purpose. He'll promise depressed people, especially single women, luxury box tickets to sporting events, flower delivery, and other gimmicks to lift their spirits. He will write songs in their honor and make arraignments for them to meet Dr Phil for counseling sessions. Depression Dawg's superpower will be begging for food and leaving piles of crap everywhere. Marty has been honing those skills for years now. With great power comes great responsibility, you know...

Bully Buster©:
Bully Buster will lead the fight against bullying by forming state and national task forces with every elected official, dead or alive, he can remember. He'll direct new legislation to make bullying a federal offense with a 20 year prison sentence. Buster's superpower will be attacking the teenage female children of anyone he doesn't like, thus educating them as to how to spot that little bitch who spread lies about you after math class. "What a bitch, I'm sure..."

Out of the Dark Knight©:
Marty pointed out the number of overdoses while talking about suicide. This can only mean that he feels those overdoses were depression related and a form of suicide. This superhero will seek out the families of overdose victims to comfort and convince them that the overdose wasn't the result of drug addiction, but in reality a suicide - or perhaps murder (another hero we'll discuss in a later article). The Knight's superpower will be investigating the drug dealer who caused the suicide by going undercover and simply keeping an eye on his son for once. After confirming that Jr wasn't the dealer, the Knight will be the driving force that gets the supplier prosecuted for murder and sentenced to 20 years in a federal penitentiary, likely under the Homeland Security Act that Marty co wrote.

Whatever iteration of a lying, scamming free loader this new superhero will be, underneath the cape we'll still find a moronic and extremely immature man-child who just can't get anyone to notice his greatness. 

Marty Prehn's Idiots of a Feather

Gentle readers;

Between the various wars overseas and Ebola coming to America, the true big story of the week is we've reached a milestone in our continued coverage of the most prolific idiot I've ever witnessed. Marty's cowardice has reached a low that I never dreamed we would see. The Mongoose can't even threaten his enemies himself anymore. Now he has a vexatious moron posting threats for him. Florence Iverson must have declined the job.

The screenshot pictured is from Marty's suspended Facebook page. It appears to be some kind of threat to add Marty's most wanted list of enemies to a lawsuit, William Windsor vs Joeyisalittlekid. Apparently, this Windsor guy is the person RC3 referred to as Big Vexi. In all due respect to my predecessor, "Big Vexi" could have just as easily been "Big Moron". Anyone stupid enough to use information provided by Marty for a legal purpose probably needs some mental help, in my humble opinion of course. Any attorney worth his/her sheepskin will have a field day with involving Marty. Didn't he get the message with that PPO incident I've read about?

This idiotic post to Marty's page must be the brainchild of none other than the Elder Avenger himself. Who else would be stupid enough to post a threat to people on a Facebook page that can't be seen by anyone other than Marty's make believe little friends. How is this supposed to strike fear into Marty's enemies when they can't see it? What will Marty do next, threaten to arrest them while holding his imaginary gun and handcuffs? Perhaps his silly Special Agent hat will make the whole look work for him. Sha right.

I view this latest scare attempt as a good example of what an Elder Dawg does after he's been neutered by a Robin. I assume Marty finally tired of getting laughed at every time he posted his threats so he found someone else to threaten people for him. I would be willing to wager that none of the people listed in this lame threat attempt have even heard of Windsor, much less been a participant in the "largest defamation suit in history". That sounds like something Marty would say. Wouldn't you need to be someone important to receive that level of defamation? How does that happen to somebody that even Marty gave second billing to when he came to Michigan for the big failed PPO attempt? Now Marty is telling this man what to post and who to add to his lawsuit? To me, that doesn't really speak to the importance of this Windsor guy if he's dumb enough to be Marty's stooge.

As Marty burns up his trusty flip phone checking this blog hoping to giggle at the fear he has caused, I have some questions for him: Do you honestly think this newest threat scares anyone? Could you not think of a new investigation that you're supposed to be leading against these people? Can't find any other names to drop of officials you're working with to imprison them? Has every three letter agency finally threatened to arrest you if you keep claiming to be their employee? Couldn't find any code violations to report? Scared to threaten people at city council meetings now that people can point out what a lying idiot you are?

Marty, you've now become the schoolyard bully that got laughed off the playground. As you waddled away, you looked back and said "I'm telling my daddy, and he's going to get you."

I also have a few words for that Big Vexi Dipshit, because I know that as soon as Marty can get to a device that can copy/paste this article, he'll be sending it to you. Him or that Balloon psycho. The people you're threatening have no clue who you are and have no idea what Joeyisalittlekid is. The fact you would post this threat on Marty's page, based on information provided by Marty, shows how far you have fallen. You've become such a "Nobody" that you've been reduced to being Marty's bitch. That's just sad, if you ask me.

And one last thing: Your clip art package that lists for $99.00 was on sale at OfficeMax for $29 with rebate and I can repost your stupid monkey picture until the cows come home. You and your copyright can bite me, you idiot.

Marty Prehn: Failure Extraordinaire

Just hours after his Lakeview High School Reunion fiasco, Marty Prehn adds to his ever-growing list of miserable failures. Marty is so desperate to appear to be fronting a charity event, he has resurrected the scam he forgot about - Operation Patch Adams.

Marty originally had this event scheduled for October 5th. It was the planned finish to his great Robin Williams tribute weekend. As with all of Marty's events, it simply never took place and he was counting on no one noticing so he didn't bother to bum gas money and stayed home. He even skipped his regular appearance at the Saint Clair Shores city council meeting to brag about how successful it was while wearing his latest skin-tight, see-through participant T-shirt complete with his number documenting his attendance. Marty didn't even bother to register for the event which tells me he never planned on attending. But what the hell, "Those council members couldn't possibly find out that I'm lying for the umpteenth time to them".

After this blog once again pointed out that another Marty bullshit story had come and gone, the Elder Avenger finally found the energy to get off the couch and at least attempt to save face. Luckily, there was another suicide walk scheduled within driving distance that Marty could attempt to hijack.

Suddenly team Operation Patch Adams is registered for the upcoming walk. Of course, this latest fundraising event will be his greatest. The target goal for team OPA is a cool One Million Dollars, a goal not seen since Mongoosapalooza, aka " I Need a Hero". From the looks of things so far, Marty is keeping his usual charitable pace. With zero team members and not a nickel in donations raised or even pledged, when you factor in the last walk, this charity is running a deficit in simply meeting the Mongoose, when you consider the free pizza he ate and stuffed in his pockets.  "Good Works" has a price, you know.

The reviving of OPA seems to fit with what we've been seeing from Marty lately. Elder Dawg's scams and claims have taken a downturn. Has Marty's creative lying ability finally begun to fade? Couldn't he come up with a new wrinkle for this latest walk? In fact, all of Marty's lies and threats have been downgraded lately. Now, instead of leading multi agency investigations, he's reporting alleged code violations. And how long has it been since we've heard Marty's spew about the great cyberstalkers MVZ or Flemshady? Has the crusade against them, headed by Marty and every elected official he could name, finally ended? Has Marty stopped listening to some sexual fetish balloon clown?

These latest developments leave me with a few questions: Will Marty manage to find the motivation and gas money to actually attend his own event this time? Will Flo join team OPA and donate? Or did she make the mistake of sending the donation straight to Marty? Will the Mongoose find the courage to update the city council of his latest "good works" despite the fact that Robin could be waiting to expose him as the lying idiot he really is? And what will Balloon Betty do now that Marty has forgotten about her and the balloon she had stuck up his ass?

You readers know this blog is a guilty pleasure. Stay tuned right here to find out the answers to all of these questions as they happen!

Marty Prehn Tamped Down Again

It's been a fortnight since we've seen Marty on the TV and I, your humble correspondent, have mixed emotions.

The common good has been served well by both Facebook and the city of Saint Clair Shores effectively telling Marty to STFU.  However, my 30 day performance review is coming up next week. I hope our board of directors and you readers at least give me some credit for his recent state of tamped down.

As the great Elder Avenger has now been scared away from "Open Mic Night in the Shores" we are left to speculate about what has happened to Marty and what will come next. Has an attention - but certainly not food - starved woman finally made Marty's life so carefree that his scams are no longer necessary? Has desperate Linda's belief in his greatness finally pacified Marty's insane craving for attention? Has Marty finally gotten so lazy it's now become too much work to prop himself up off the couch and do anything?

What should we make of Marty's absence at the most recent Saint Clair Shores city council meeting? This bi-monthly public forum was always Marty's bread and butter. He could wax rhapsodic about his all around greatness, introduce his next scams, tell whatever lies he thought up and feed his addictive need to appear on TV - even if only Public Access. After a tiny housewife with no experience in public speaking made a complete fool out of him at the last meeting, it was expected Marty would be back with a vengeance. Instead, he was a no show. No recap of Nautical Smiles or his great Robin WiWeekend, aka Operation Patch Adams. No updates on the next suicide walk he would be attempting to high jack. Not even an update on the location of his Lakeview High reunion dinner, featuring Dave Coulier. Did Marty's cowardly instincts take over and make him flee when he arrived at city hall and saw Robin's all-too-familiar car in the parking lot? It's safe to say a Robin has caught the worm we know as Marty, promptly spiting him out and kicking him across the council chambers.

On a side note, I have to admit my great disappointment that Marty didn't show. I was looking forward to seeing Marty's latest Homeless Chic© fashion statement.

I'm starting to believe Marty's life of luxury at Linda's is really starting to effect his greatness. Now that he has a free place to stay, a steady source to scam gas money from and only one brute to arm wrestle for fruit cups, his donation needs aren't as great. "Screw all those 'target rich' events to photobomb and eat free food at. Who's on Ellen?" It might just explain the spike in her daytime ratings lately.

Based on Marty's past, after reading this article he will soon be supplying us with his excuses for his absence - perhaps a new FBI/CIA/DOJ stakeout. Is he currently trying to hide behind a palm tree in the Virgin Islands on assignment for the USPS, filming RC3 masturbating with a stuffed alpaca while in a drunken stupor? Are there more code violations on 10 Mile that Marty is busy flying a "quad copter" over while downloading the video to Linda's iPhone 4? Maybe there is a new restaurant in the Detroit area that Marty is putting out of business because of inadequate parking. Perhaps he's preparing for the tearful reunion with Jr as he transitions back into society and the billion dollar lawsuit that is certain to be mindlessly threatened. With the man of many hats (at least two that we know of) the list of possible excuses is endless.

I'm not worried. My review will go fine.  I have complete faith in his narcissistic stupidity and he'll be back before you can say "Marty who?"

Marty Prehn's Fall TV Lineup

Maybe you don’t have cable. Maybe you do, but you only watch network-TV shows. Or maybe you’re just searching for a handy resource to set your DVR. Whatever the case may be, enjoy our compendium of every Marty Prehn show airing on television this fall.

Print out this handy guide and keep it close to your TV. Don't miss out on any opportunity to see our favorite idiot in action!

Monday nights are one of the most important in Marty's "must see" TV line up. The first and third Monday of each month are the Saint Clair Shores City Council meetings. By now it should be obvious that every TV in the metro Detroit area is tuned in for the bi-weekly State of the Mongoose address. This is when everyone gets both a recap of the last two weeks of Marty greatness but also a preview of what lies - I mean events - Elder Dawg has coming. On the Mondays when there is no council meeting, catch Marty on Fox2Detroit as a regular on "Let it Rip" as he joins his close personal friend Huel Perkins to discuss his greatness.

Tuesday nights will feature Marty's new variety show. Robin Williams was the original co-host but now that he's assumed room temperature, Marty's unemployed good friend Jay Leno has agreed to join the show. Rumor has it that his friends Bob Seger, Amy Lee and Kenny Chesney will be leading the house band. Bette Midler and Debby Boone might just stop by, so don't miss it! In fact, this show will feature different friends of Marty's from all walks of the entertainment industry, as well as various politicians and heads of state. The list of possible guest is too long to list here but, based on Marty's Hollywood connections, this show will put Kimmel, Letterman and Fallon to shame. One of the recurring skits will be Stupid Marty Tricks. You won't want to miss this, folks. "Watch me lie out of both sides of my enormous ass!" Don't miss his "Dwarf Bowling with Jamie Victory" sketch, either.

On Wednesday Marty will be pulling a double shift. MTM (Marty the Mongoose) productions couldn't let a week go by without having Marty on a daytime talk show. Marty will be teaming up with his gal-pal Ellen for this daytime magic. This show will cover current events in Marty's life with a focus on his good works. Each week Marty will present his case for why Ellen should buy him a house, car, clothes and such. The ceiling of the studio will be lined with tin foil to protect Marty from lightning strikes. You know, because God will not be mocked and all...

Marty will also have a prime time Wednesday night production because America needs the Mongoose five nights a week. This show will be another fundraiser for Marty's biggest charity: himself. Each week Marty will highlight his latest money making scam. This week will feature his Lakeview Reunion Dinner. The location for this event has been changed once again but Marty figured out he shouldn't reveal it. If he doesn't say where it is, people can't call and find out it's all another lie.

Thursday nights will be dedicated to Marty's various federal crime fighting operations. This show will be called "The Stalkout Stakeout". John Walsh will join Marty as they expose the worst code violators in Saint Clair Shores. Covert stakeouts, "quad copter" flyovers conducted by real estate agents, and voice recognition of Facebook posts will be just a few of the techniques used by the "Code Violation Avenger". This America's Most Wanted type show will feature a different criminal each week. His former landlord will be featured on the first show, followed by an old lady with sixteen cats who refused his sexual advances. Programing Note: May not be suitable for younger viewers or those offended by watching XXX " masturbate to multiple orgasms".

Next comes the biggest night for MTM productions. Marty will completely take over prime time with a three hour extravaganza! Friday night will be:

"Marty's Elder Abuse/Human Trafficking/Cyber Stalking/Deed Restriction/Veterans/POW/Domestic Violence/Suicide Prevention/Good Works Telethon!"

This show will have a different co-host each week. So far, Grizzly Adams, Betty White, Doris Roberts, Paula Dean, and Sarah Palin have already been signed up. When you include every television news anchor that's appeared on Detroit TV the last ten years, the list of co-hosts is unbelievable. This show will highlight all of the above mentioned atrocities and show viewers how they can help Marty end them: DONATIONS! The catering and lotion cost have skyrocketed at the MTM production studio at apartment #6 at the Saint Clair Apartments, so everyone needs to contribute. All of Marty's good works aren't possible without people like you.

So make some popcorn. Gather up the kids, friends and any elderly veterans you may know and get your PayPal accounts ready for the new MartyTV lineup. If successful, plans are "in the works" for a 24/7 cable channel - All Marty/All the Time!