Mongoose Goodwill Tour 2014

As Marty expands upon his "kinder, gentler" approach by sharing puppy dog and Marie Osmond memes, one has to wonder what precipitated this curious change of lifestyle.

Linda: "I got teased about you at Dunkin' Donuts again and $20 is missing from my purse. I can't take too much more of this.  Who ate my pork rinds? I was planning on eating those for breakfast, damnit!"

Marty: "I swear I can turn this around, starting with my latest address to City Council. Give me another chance, baby. I'll loofah your stretch marks again?  Then we'll hit Lee's Coney and 'Pizza Me'. Those guys owe me for the shout out on Ellen!"

Linda: "We need to talk."

All of the readers here at CoM have expressed their absolute astonishment that any woman would consider Marty for anything more serious than cleaning her windshield at a busy intersection. Why would anyone decide this moronic man child was someone they would want to be in a relationship with? You could never call Linda a gold digger, as Marty is on public assistance and he abandoned the vast Prehn estate when he skipped out on the rent. Marty's entire life is one huge lie so how could he possibly convince a woman to let him move in and feed him? We all know he had to have told some great lies to pull that off. Or maybe Lovely Linda is just as pathetic. Only her father would hire her, so they have that in common. Oh, the ties that bind...

Now that Linda is stuck with a fat, worthless and incredibly stupid superhero, has she finally decided to flex her financial muscle on Marty? Has the pressure placed on Linda to explain Marty's actions, or justify her participation in his scams and threats, forced her to rein in his stupidity? Did she threaten his $80/week paycheck? Is Linda the reason for the latest version of the Depression Dawg?

We first noticed the change in Marty shortly after fear of confrontation by Marty's foe caused Linda to become physically ill. Was this the event that forced her to give Marty an ultimatum? "Leave those people alone or find a new place to live, you idiot." Denying Marty lived with her and claiming they aren't a couple didn't work so is forcing Marty to change his lying, threatening ways the next step? How long can the Mongoose keep up his charitable nice guy act before the real Marty comes out again?

This blog is officially predicting that it won't last long at all.  The only thing Marty has going for him is consistency. He fails at everything, lies about anything and is despised by everyone.

Perhaps Papa Fergan will step up to the plate and save his little girl, the business and whatever is left of the family name soon.
 
Or not.  "Marty's Carquest" does have a certain ring to it...