Agent Prehn Sends S.O.S Distress Signal to Mother Ship!

http://thechronicalesofmarty.blogspot.com/

This morning Marty reached the point where he just couldn't take it anymore. All this time of living in fear of posting his crap on Facebook finally overwhelmed him. Marty decided to throw caution to the wind and made another attempt to get the attention of his messiah Big Vexi. 

Marty Prehn

There are several different people who have posted as Bob or Robert Cookout III and has been identified as has Sean Flemming.

Like · 4 hours ago 

Just when we think Marty has accepted the fact that Big Vexi couldn't care less about him, we see yet another attempt to put us in his crosshairs. I honestly don't think Marty is bright enough to understand the implications of his great leaders reply. 

Big Vexi

So how many different blogs do these cyberstalkers have?

Like · 1 · 3 hours 

That's right Marty, no one has heard your numerous cries for help. Big Vexi didn't even know there was a blog devoted to your complete stupidity. All those posts on your Facebook page, as well as the comments on other's pages, were a total waste of time. But of course, Marty just isn't able to give up. 

Marty Prehn

Iave you seen the Marty Prehn Chronicles?

Like · 26 minutes ago

That's right, Marty makes yet another attempt to send Big Vexi our way. After all of his screams for help defeating the evil RC3 that have been ignored, he makes one more attempt. Does Marty really think this time will be different? Can he finally convince someone that we should be lumped in with the 'Evil Cookie" and his Joey Minions? Will he ever pull his head out of his ass and realize all he's really doing is giving us a boost in readers with his free plug of the blog? As we all have learned by now, he's still a clueless idiot who'll never figure it out. 

There is possibly help on the horizon for poor hapless Marty. Recently acquired information has pointed out that Marty has a girlfriend! No, that is not a typo. Marty is officially in a relationship. We can only hope that Linda, his boss' daughter, can help guide the now not-so-secret agent through the pitfalls of civilian life. To show his new sucker, oops I mean girlfriend, how head over heels in love he is he posted a video of her on his Facebook page. Everyone should stop by and take a look. I believe she is on the right.

Homeless Marty Prehn is Up for Adoption!

"I am up for adoption and looking for a good home."

Marty Prehn Jan 9, 2012

As we enter another week without a new Marty weekend rant to discuss, I begin to wonder who convinced Marty to shut up. As he has proven in the past, he wasn't smart enough to come up with that idea on his own. Without any type of organized audience to boast his bullshit to, who would listen anyway?  He is homeless in both his physical and virtual worlds.

Home #1:  Bernice Prehn

Marty was kicked to the curb of his late mother's house after a Sheriff's Sale for Marty's nonpayment of property taxes. 

Home #2: NASGA, Marti Oakley and Barbi Nemeth Blog talk Radio programs

After this blog uncovered and documented the true nature of Marty's entire "Elder Abuse Advocacy", they quietly severed all ties with "The Elder Avenger". 

Home #3: Bob Jones University Alumni Association

Oh please.  Marty Prehn a college graduate?

Home #4: Lemmings-R-Us

The first suspect to enter my mind would be his local Michigan hero, David. As the FBI has begun to look more closely at his anti government activities, I believe the extra attention Marty was drawing had become quite bothersome. When you're trying to stay under the radar, the last thing you need is an extra large idiot spewing Secret Agent crap everywhere. Could David have finally put a muzzle on the Mongoose?

Another suspect in the tamping down of Marty would be Grand Poobah Bill. Marty's rants about Megan being his arch foe had reached a new level of his lying stupidity. As Marty continued to post as if Bill had instructed him to do it, damage was being done to Bill's pending lawsuit. We've learned since, Bill actually paid no attention to his Regional Director or what he posted. Bill never even noticed Marty, much less responded to him. 

The conclusion I'm drawn to is that the people who participate in this blog are the reason for Marty's silence. Congratulations! As so many of his victims and former supporters began to speak out against him, Marty's rants became even more worthless. Everything he posted was immediately dismissed as just another Marty lie. Since he realized Flo was the only person that still believes him, he has taken to an unprecedented level of private communication in order to preserve his monthly check. 

Flo will soon become "unavailable" in the cycle of life, so the question is:

Who wants to adopt a morbidly obese, lying 58 year-old idiot?   

Marty Prehn's Blog Popularity Soars!

Dear Prehntenders;

We hope you enjoy keeping up with the latest news and commentary about our muse, Marty Prehn.

We've got exciting things being worked on right now in our secret offices, hidden miles below the earth's crust.

We welcome nearly all of your comments and tips on the Mongoose and solicit your assistance in doubling our readership by the end of February.

Accordingly, we are asking you to "share the love" by referring this blog to as many of your friends, lovers, family members and coworkers as humanly possible this weekend. 

Think of it as a belated Valentine's Day gift!

Love,

Bobby

Marty Prehn Gets His Reassignment Orders

The following is a true story. Some names have been changed to protect the idiots. 

I'm sure all of the readers here have been just as worried as I have about the welfare of Marty. With no posts for 11 days there had to be something wrong. Had the agent been sent on assignment to Siberia, or even worse, Detroit as punishment for the debacle that was the MVZ stakeout? There was no doubt something had gone wrong. 

Yesterday an article written by Washed Up Stuntman (Marty's original hero) appeared in the PPJ Gazette. The information contained in it could be the explanation for what had become of our beloved buffoon Marty. Washed Up Stuntman had been questioned by the FBI about his involvement with Lemmings-R-Us and Big Vexi. A short time later Big Vexi put out a Facebook post distancing himself from all the ideas that Washed Up Stuntman had used L-R-U to promote. 

So where does Marty fit into this you may ask? As the self proclaimed Regional Director of Lemmings-R-Us and a disciple of Washed Up Stuntman, I would think the FBI would want to talk to him as well. Marty is obviously a powerful man in these organizations - just ask him I'm sure he'd tell you. He would certainly be an in demand person as the FBI began to question people. Could there be a connection between this investigation and Marty's sudden silence?

I can only imagine the amount of bodily fluids that poured out of Marty as a real FBI agent showed him a real badge. After all his years as a Special Undercover Agent for the FBI, CIA, DOJ, and PB&J, I'm sure he was shocked to learn that now he was a suspect. The thought of the FBI learning his masturbation habits with their fiber optic cameras must have been terrifying. Was his favorite computer at the library now being monitored?

Now that Marty is in the crosshairs of a real FBI investigation, has he become afraid to spew his hatred on Facebook? I would think a man as well connected as the Mongoose could clear this matter up in minutes and then resume his usual daily stupidity. Or has Marty's embarrassing failure with the MVZ cookie sting hurt his reputation among the people he works with so bad that now he is a target?

In my opinion Marty has now truly become an Undercover Agent. I just don't think he planned on the undercover part being his dirty horse blanket he is cowering under while awaiting the FBI's return. 

Marty Prehn Aborts Mission

As Marty spent the last week licking his self inflicted wounds from Spunday Sunday©, a new dilemma was delivered on Valentines Day. We are now on full spin alert to see how the Mongoose will attempt to recover from this latest SNAFU. 

With the announcement this past Friday that Megan was no longer an evil cookie, six months of Marty's investigating was flushed down the toilet. All that time listening to wiretaps and watching her masturbate with stuffed animals wasted. Does the FBI still have her surrounded? Was Marty's airfare to Texas to personally slap the cuffs on her refundable? 

As Marty's support from advocate groups and individuals disappeared, his entire focus became Megan. So what is he left with now? Will he continue to work with the Texas AG to free Joey Dauben? Is Megan still a domestic terrorist? Am I still Megan or will my identity become the same as the latest evil cookie suspect? Will Marty come out of hiding to refocus his and the FBI's investigation?

Maybe Marty should consider returning to what he was doing before getting sidetracked by a balloon clown. It seems he had more success scamming old ladies out of money and stalking middle aged women. Or maybe Marty will reinvent himself as something totally new. Will he stop chasing cookies and switch back to pizza? Only time will answer these questions but you can be sure of one thing: 

We'll be here to point out that whatever he comes up with is a lie.

That's how the cookie crumbles! 

Puppet Master: Balloon Betty Pulls Marty's Strings

As we await the next Mega Marty Meltdown, I thought we would touch on another subject. How did Marty come to the brilliant conclusion that we are all Megan?

Pictured above is the infamous Betty Krenik, aka Balloon Betty. She is Marty's source not only for the claim this blog is run by Megan but also everything he posts about her. We all knew Marty wasn't intelligent enough to dig up all of those old blog posts about Megan. Someone had to be supplying the research to him. Enter, Balloon Betty. 

Betty's second ex husband was the lawyer Megan accused of raping her after he broke off their affair. During a bitter divorce and custody battle, the couple's bizarre fetish sex life was put on display for the court. Her ex, according to Betty's sworn testimony, had a balloon fetish and wanted to have sex with children. Isn't it ironic that she would combine these two things and become a balloon entertainer for children's parties? I'd be very scared to hire her for my kids party and no doubt they'd be terrified too!

A bitter feud between Megan and Betty went on for years. A lot of accusations were brought up by both sides. Megan hasn't been heard from on the Internet for quite some time. Apparently Betty, on the other hand, can't go away quietly. She continues to troll the Internet in search of more ways to seek revenge on Megan. 

Betty finally found the complete idiot she needed to continue her hate campaign - Marty Prehn. For months now, she has fed Marty all of the things he now posts about Megan. Betty recently went so far as to commit perjury in her attempts to harass Megan by supplying a sworn affidavit in a lawsuit. I wonder if Marty will ever realize he is nothing more that a moronic puppet being used to advance a bitter woman's hate campaign?

Knowing Marty, I highly doubt it!

Mongoose Abuse: The Struggle Continues

On January 23rd the blog published the award winning article "Mongoose Abuse: The Silent Struggle".  Today, we're itching to give you an update on the never-ending saga of Marty's living arrangements.

Smaller Man prevailed in court, fighting Big Fat Slob's assertion of being a victim of domestic violence.  Accordingly, Smaller Man may now return to the marital home, shared with Big Fat Slob.  Joy!

Keen readers may also recall this blog's minute-by-minute coverage of Marty's Spunday Sunday© where he attempted to make downright stupid accusations against his landlord.  

Read between the lines and we can all look forward to the next 30 days or so.  Draw your own conclusions. I hope Flo is ready to, again, "Take him under her Polish Wings"!

This blog is making the prediction that Marty will spend this evening marking his foodstuffs with a black Sharpie and blocking his bedroom door with his soiled laundry. Sleep is out of the question. He's in for the challenge of his life: Getting along with a human!

Stay tuned, Prehntenders...

Marty Prehn's Latest Meltdown

As we continue to watch Marty lie and attempt to intimidate, weekends have become our prime viewing opportunity. This past weekend will forever be remembered as Spunday Sunday!©

During a Facebook comment exchange between Marty and myself, he began to doubt his highest conviction - that I was a woman named Megan. As he shifted his suspicion of who I am, he made this comment:

"Marty Prehn: Every Batman movie has a Robin in it. So yes I know who you are and FYI the Clinton library is open on Sundays from 1 to 6 but the Troy library is open SUnday as well". 

We would soon learn who his "Robin" comment was referring to - the wife of his landlord. Marty then continues his usual pattern by posting some form of personal information about his latest target:

"Marty Prehn: How is your silver Mercedes doing and your silver Trailblazer doing and how is your dad doing?"

This is when the story takes a turn against Marty. It appears Marty didn't consider the possibility that this newest target might actually see his comments. After she calls him out on this blog for posting her name and vehicle information, Marty's Special Undercover Agent senses begin to tingle and he immediately begins his attempt at damage control:

"Marty Prehn: Being that I work with the people at the SCS Mercedes dealer there are several people that I know who own Mercedes that are silver or otherwise. I myself had a black 300D 4 door Mercedes turbo diesel. Megan you are unreal and will post and say anything to divert attention and look up car registrations to bait people into believing that I am texting comments when in fact it is you that is MMVZ, Bob Cookout, Curtis Butler, Sean Flemming, Anonymous, Petunia Snotgrass, et al. Nice try Megan. Your stalking days are almost over."

This comment appears to claim that I, a mere blogger of a crazy person, looked up this woman's automobile information and then posted it in a way to make it look like Marty did it. This might be the most feeble attempt to cover for one of his more idiotic statements I've ever seen. This didn't go unnoticed by his landlord. After she points out that her auto information isn't publicly available and even if it was, the vehicle is registered in someone else's name. Double Busted! Marty has one last brilliant attempt to point the blame at me (Megan): 

"Marty Prehn: Hey Megan I bet that your daddy who is a police chief in Colorado could look up the information that you claim is not public information. And any BATMAN movie that I have watched both Batman and Robin were males and not females. So what was or is your point MMVZ III? Like · Yesterday at 10:08pm"

This latest attempt to refuse any responsibility for his lies is not dissimilar to his often used "my phone/email/Facebook was hacked". Sort of like the cops planting Jr's drugs or his roommate mercilessly beating him.

Marty Prehn's Hidden Communications Bunker

If you're fortunate enough to be reading this blog, you've been cleared to know the precise location of the Secret Special Agent Communications Compound (S.S.A.C.C).

This complex was made the nucleolus of Marty's access to various government (both domestic and foreign) databases as well as his top secret communications with the FBI, CIA, DOJ and Taco Bell after his landlord changed the WiFi password to the body shop.

This find once again shows the brilliant "Secret Agent" mind we are dealing with. Only Marty would be so well trained in deception as to disguise such an important location as the Eastpointe Public Library. He was hiding in plain sight the whole time! His official government vehicle, complete with McTrash, is clearly visable. This guy is good!

This move was a stroke of genius. Library users had no clue the sweaty guy stinking up the resource area was actually protecting the elderly and veterans nationwide. How could they have known the guy nobody wanted to get stuck sitting next to was conducting important research for the latest undercover operation he was assigned to?

It's well known that these are troubling economic times in the Detroit area. It's refreshing to see tax monies being put to good use in Eastpointe, Michigan. Without this public library how would Marty continue to contact presidents, heads of state, the FBI, CIA, or DOJ? How could his work saving and protecting people have continued?

If this suburban public library is in fact being funded by the defense department, why won't Langley spring for a laptop for their greatest undercover agent? It would protect unsuspecting and property tax paying library patrons from being subjected to reading his sexually-charged Facebook exploits the next time he fails to log off properly.

Marty Prehn: "My Hidden Camera Watches You Masturbate"

As we encounter Marty's daily rants and comments, an alarming trend stands out. Every comment at some point includes sexual content. Is this a result of a condition known as Hypersexuality?

"Hypersexuality is often associated with addictive or obsessive personalities, escapism, psychological disorders, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, lowered sexual inhibitions and behavioral conditioning."

As you can see in the Wikipedia definition above, Escapism is closely associated with this condition. 

"Escapism is mental diversion by means of entertainment or recreation, as an "escape" from the perceived unpleasant or banal aspects of daily life. It can also be used as a term to define the actions people take to help relieve persisting feelings of depression or general sadness."

We all now know that Escapism is a driving factor in all things Marty. 

It seems that Marty has to insert something sexual into every statement he makes, even when it adds nothing to the overall point he's trying to make. There are many examples of this but we'll highlight just a few here today. 

While describing an "FBI sting" Marty claims to be involved with, he suddenly includes this detail supposedly caught on hidden cameras:

"even shows her masterbaiting and having multiple orgasms as she bullies and stalks people on the internet." 

Is this a detail that's important in describing the criminal activities that Marty alleged were taking place? As we all know, there is no video of this person, so what would make this scene part of Marty's description?

While also describing this same person's activities in another conversation, Marty feels the need to include this nugget:

"and takes pleasure in pretending to commit sexual acts with stuffed animals such as horses, camels, Llamas and Alpachas." 

Once again, how is this a detail that's important to establishing this person is a criminal?  How could Marty possibly know this detail and more importantly, what type of person would even think this detail up and include it in his description? 

Is the inclusion of these particular fantasies a symptom of the disorder Hypersexuality? Will this disorder continue to escalate until Marty finally crosses a line and become a danger to others?