Marty Prehn Can't Crash This Cookout

With the approach of spring upon us, the people of the Metro Detroit area have two converging storm fronts in their forecast - it's tornado alert season, complicated by Marty twisting in circles trying to find the elusive Cookout while spinning his latest series of Marty Moments.

You see, with Marty, Cookout doesn't only represent a backyard barbeque for the Mongoose to crash while acting like a member of a family he's never met. His mind is totally consumed with the true identity of RC3 as well as the promise of free food. If Marty spent as much energy seeking respectable work as he did chasing me, he could have paid the property taxes on his inherited cottage, bought some new clothes, got a haircut and take Linda somewhere nicer than Lee's Cafe and Coney by now - with enough left over to replace Sammy Randazzo's sewing box that he destroyed.

For over six months I was the diabolical MVZ. The FBI had me surrounded as Marty watched me masturbate on cameras with a variety of stuffed animals. He was coming to Texas to put the cuffs on me and read me my rights. Marty even went so far as to post pictures of Megan's minor child. I wonder what happened to all those restraining orders Marty was coming to court to testify about?

For a brief period, I was outed as Marty's little sister. Shorty after, I was her attorney.

Then one day during a Facebook comment exchange, I suddenly became Robin. Marty went so far as to post the type and color of her car. Reality briefly slapped Marty and within minutes I was Megan again. According to Marty, it was I who had posted Robin's personal auto details in an attempt to get him in trouble with his landlord. 

A couple of weeks after his blunder naming me as Robin, Marty found his next suspect to name. An ex-roommate named Dave Wilson. Marty was so sure I was Dave, he made this comment:

"Marty Prehn

Ok Dave Wilson we got your number and we know which car is yours in the parking lot."

Like · 2 hours ago

Within minutes of this I then became his landlord, Guy. He even went so far as to threaten Guy with deportation, turning him in for rental house code violations, and told him he had a nosey girlfriend. Had Marty finally pinpointed my true identity?

Of course after another sleepless night spent reading this blog, Marty drops another comment about who I am: 

"Marty Prehn Several of the Joeys have been identified here in Michigan Bill and more specifically in Macomb County and from the cities of Eastpointe, St. Clair Shores and Clinton township and in fact one that works right next door to the Eastpointe police department and has been posting under the name of Robert Cookout III or a similar name and is looking at charges of slander, liable and defamation of character to be filed against him and as a cyber bully and cyber stalker under the domestic terrorist homeland security act."

15 hours ago · Like

I especially like the charge of "liable". Poor Marty tries so hard to phonetically sound out legal terms he's picked up over the years.

We know that Marty works next door to the police station. Does his latest comment mean I am a coworker of his?  Soon, he'll be so dizzy from spinning,  he'll think he's RC3! Who can I really be? Maybe I'm his boss, a close friend, ex-wife Becci or even Lovely Linda herself...