Marty Prehn's Veterans Day Greeting Cards

Happy Veterans Day Eve to all of our loyal readers, especially those that served in the armed forces. As our coverage of all things Marty Prehn continues, the supply of utter stupidity seems endless. Amid Marty's latest updates to his imaginary charity, OPA, Marty released some new information. This is the opening line of one of his lie filled updates:

Marty Prehn "Ok Mary. I am official now as a dear friend went and bought me official business cards which look very cool."

That's right CoMmies, the Mongoose is now official. Apparently VistaPrint has now ordained Marty an official something or another. Unfortunately, Marty never bothers to reveal what that is exactly. I guess as long as Flo buys him some business cards, it doesn't really matter what they say. Of course we are going to give it our best guess as to what exactly Marty's new official capacity is.

The base of every business card is the person's name. Even this is a tough one to figure out when dealing with Marty. He's called himself so many different things, how did he decide which of his great names to use? I'll list a few of the possibilities.

Marty "The Mongoose" Prehn

The Elder Avenger

Marty "The Elder Dawg" Prehn

Martin E. Prehn ESQ.

After Marty recovered from the headache induced by all the deep thought that went into which name would become official, the hardest decision of all was to be next. Marty would now have to decide what his "official" title was going to be. A business card is only so big and with all of the titles Marty has bestowed upon himself, he'd need a 5'x7' card to even come close to listing them all. How could Marty possibly limit advertising his greatness by choosing just one title? Personally, I think Marty should just go with _______________ Advocate and carry a crayon. Unfortunately, that would cause to many problems. There is no spell check when writing on a business card. And having to pull out his box of Crayola's when passing out his card would make him look sorta silly, don't you think? (did I really just write that?). I'll list my best guess at what Marty's latest great title might be:

- Certified Macomb County Elder Advocate

- National Elder Advocate
 
- Special Regional Advocate
 
- Guardian Angel

- FBI/CIA/DOJ/Secret Service Agent

- Legislation Consultant

- Campaign Advisor

- Bodyguard For Hire

- Code Enforcement Agent

- National Public Advocate

- Deed Restriction Advisor

- Hollywood Voice Coach

- President, MTM productions

- Auto Part Delivery Professional

- Linda's Bitch

There are just too many possibilities to list them all here. Feel free to add your own guesses in the comments below.

The bottom corners of Marty's "cool looking" business cards are pretty easy to design. One corner would have Marty's official government issue free Yahoo email address. The other corner would have his much publicized flip phone number. I just hope he has enough room for a note by his number. "If I don't answer towards the end of the month, I'll return your call after I receive my free minutes from the president"...

I look forward to the day we get to see what Marty's final decisions were on these tough questions. We shouldn't have to wait long though. Everyone present at the next city council meeting will be handed one I'm sure. And if all else fails, he can have Jamie Victory strategically slip them into the shopping carts at Kroger. I'm also sure there will be plenty of them left behind after Marty visits the VFW.  Think of it as toilet paper for the veterans. What a guy.

Semper Fi, Marty. Semper Fi...