Marty Prehn is Stuffed with Total Crap

The holidays are a time to visit with family and see old friends.  Here at our secret underground headquarters, miles beneath the earth's crust, we were somewhat shocked to see a former employee's retina scan still worked on our biometric locks. Then again, he probably remembered that we typically leave a key under the mat, so in staggers Bob.

After bitching about his monthly direct deposit and being forced onto Obamacare, I decided to let him sleep it off in my office while I went to a meeting. He must have hacked someone's password and took control of our servers again, so without further explanation or discussion of the vomit smell in the break room, here's your old friend RC3...

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Happy Thanksgiving, you despicable CoMmies!

I recently returned to the states for a brief visit. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and I wouldn't consider not spending it with my family. Unlike Marty, I have family that loves me and enjoys my company during the holidays and I'd never let them down. I also needed to restock my sunscreen supply and see my dermatologist about a nasty reaction to latex on my privates

I feel I owe my old loyal readers an explanation about my abrupt departure. With the mounting pressure from Marty's numerous investigations into my various crimes, I began to worry. If you were to add up all the crimes Marty found me guilty of, combined with the various federal prison sentences I was set to receive for said crimes, my nerves were shot. I was becoming paranoid and had begun drinking pretty heavily (thanks, Marty, for giving me something to blame that on - wink, wink). In the words of my "good friend" Kenny Rodgers, you've got to know when to fold them.

When the opportunity to cash in on CoM and essentially disappear presented itself, I just couldn't resist. I now had the chance to hide from the ever present investigative mastermind, Marty "The Mongoose" Prehn. His investigations had brought down much more sinister criminals and I felt like a sitting duck. I chose to escape to a country with no extradition treaty with the U.S. I still have to live with the constant fear that at any moment, Mongoose Team 6 will wade ashore and take me by force. I've accepted that as the price to be paid for cyberstalking the greatest man to ever live.

Of course, if you believe any of that load of crap, I know a great charity you can donate to for the holidays. OPA!

Truth of the matter is, I just got bored with Marty. Empty threat after empty threat. Famous friend here, great fundraising event there. I could only report on so many bullshit stories before I became jaded with humanity. I suspect Marty has that effect on just about everyone he encounters. I'm not proud of it but I'm man enough to admit, I took the money and ran like Marty to a free funeral buffet. I just failed to realize how much I'd miss my partners in crime.

I've got to wrap this up, as there is a door buster at Duke's Party Store that I can't afford to miss. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'd like to thank everyone who helped make CoM a huge success - and me a rich retiree! Without you, I never could have sold out and ran for the border. Without offending anyone that fought Marty with me, there are a couple of people I need to thank by name. First there is Marlene. Nobody suffered more from Marty than she did, yet she found the courage to stand up and fight back. She was the inspiration I needed to start this blog. The others I'll call out by name are Robin and Guy. I'm so thankful they saw through Marty's bullshit and decided enough was enough. There are many nameless individuals who took up the call to speak up against the Elder Dawg and I'll respect their wishes for anonymity. It doesn't diminish their contributions to the cause. So thanks again, my faithful CoMmies, keep fighting on. Mr Tuttle is more than capable enough to humiliate Marty so continue to support him. 'Til we meet again, good luck and Godspeed.

Robert Cookout III
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Tuttle here again: Thanks, Bob. Now get out of here and try not to hit another car in the parking garage.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!