Marty Prehn's "I Need an Event Name" (aka "Can I get my deposit back?")

From our roving reporter, Robert Cookout, III:

"There is a certain electricity in the air here in Macomb County, Michigan as we enter into the Mongoose Season. Shopping mall traffic is running a brisk pace as the locals prepare for the month-long festivities, starting with Marty's birthday party at Comerica Park Friday and ending in a grand fashion with the Dan Haggerty Awards next month."

When I accepted the job of editor of this blog I thought to myself: "How hard can it be?" I'm now starting to understand why RC3 turned to the bottle in an attempt to cope with the continuous stream of complete and vapid stupidity that comes from Marty 24/7. Elder Dawg is so full of shit even he can't keep up with his constant new lies. I've reached the point where I can no longer keep all of the various claims about Marty's imaginary dinner straight. It's seems that the closer we get to June 16th-18th, the more the weekend events change. This fake event changes by the hour depending on who Marty is lying to at the moment.

Normally, when doing these reviews, I post a screen shot of whatever the latest lie is to fall out of Elder Dawg's overworked pie hole. Now that Marty has ramped up his last minute lie fest as he runs short on time, there are just too many to post. Not to mention, the length of these new claims just keeps growing. For example, one of his new updates is so long, it takes three screen shots to cover it all. There really isn't any point in wasting that much bandwidth just for the latest eye roll inducing Mongoose droppings. For this update, I'll just point out the obvious bullshit and assume that our loyal readers know it exists in cyberspace and is shared with 3,800 faceless "friends".

One of the most obvious signs that this entire dinner fiasco is nothing more than a Marty delusion is the constantly changing name. Marty claimed last week that 500 tickets had been printed, but the hall would hold up to 1000. I've seen the dinner called by three different names the last few days alone. I can't even begin to remember the total number of different names this fantasy has had since the beginning. I'd like to know what name is actually printed on these newly produced tickets and why can't Marty use one as a cheat sheet when hyping his event? If all the names he has used recently were printed on the tickets, they would be poster size. No wonder the availability date keeps changing. The print shop must be going crazy with the constant reorders.

Marty's latest great dinner announcement involves one of his previous fake advocacy crusades, the Leavenworth 10. One of these men, Corey Clagett, was released a couple of months ago. Of course this made him a new Marty favorite target. Now Marty not only claims Corey has confirmed he will be attending Marty's red carpet, black tie dinner to be honored, but Marty is also going to present him with a brand new blue truck to reward him for his service to the country. Apparently, Corey needs this truck to use as transportation to his job working for some charity. I guess Marty doesn't think Mr Clagett should have to drive the yellow truck or Corvette that are pictured on his Facebook page. Marty: Make sure his new truck comes with North Carolina plates. We don't need another out-of-state plate scandal like that Shylock Pixley character pulled last November...

Marty also decides to mention the man's mother will also be coming to Detroit to attend Elder Dawg's historical dinner. Here is a screen shot of a small part of Marty's epic announcement;

As usual, Marty can't go more than a day without proclaiming he's having a fundraiser for something. Marty fails to mention what this fundraiser is or where and when it is so, I assume it's another top secret affair. Maybe he's having it at the same location he held his Unity in the Community Task Force press conference. Just think "metro" CoMmies and you'll know as much as Marty about the secret location. Sneaky little retard, eh?

Another part of the constant lies Marty is struggling to remember is the sale of tickets to his dream. His latest announcement claims tickets sales will start on his birthday. I'm a little confused about how tickets were "going fast" over a month ago, and the few remaining tickets would be sold at a Danny D show if the tickets weren't even available? Oh, you moronic imbecile. I can keep up with your lies better than you can, Marty!

Another aspect of the ticket confusion is the price. Originally tickets were on sale for $73.00 but in Marty's latest claims they are now $60.00 in honor if his 60th birthday. I think this might be a case of Marty mixing two of his delusions together. Weren't the tickets to Marty's 60th birthday party/fix the cottage toilet dinner also $60.00? You remember that one right? The dinner complete with a raffle to win a weekend at his parents historical destination of the stars lake cottage. The one with no hot water, rusted pipes, and the previously mentioned broken toilet. Not sure when that event was cancelled but I do wonder if those ticket holders can exchange their tickets for one to his next event.

Marty was nice enough to use his BJU college education to help us all with ticket math. Tickets are now $60 or you can purchase a table of ten for the low price of $500. Thanks for pointing out that equates to $50 a ticket, Marty. I never would have been able to figure it out on Bob's expense report.

Since Marty was kind enough to help us all with some math, I figure I'll return the favor. Barrister Gardens has a 55 person minimum to hold an event. They charge $30 a person. That's works out to $1,650. Danny D wants $1,400 to provide an evening of entertainment. After you subtract the $600 deposit on the banquet hall that Marty conned Flo into putting on her credit card, he has a minimum balance of $2,450 due just for the hall and music. When you start adding up the other expenses involved such as red carpet rental, security, tuxedo rental, and so on, it looks like the Mongoose has some large bills coming due soon. If Marty sells 6 tables of ten at $500 each, that might be enough to cover those costs but then he'll have another problem. That's already 60 people, 5 over the minimum. When you take into consideration all of the award winners and Marty's personal special guests that won't be paying for their ticket, the amount  just keeps rising. I don't think Marty's math skills have worked out all of those details. Maybe Rita Maid can help. She went to accounting school.

I'm not even going to attempt to cover all of the election candidates that Marty invited to attend and set up campaign booths. You know the clueless ass didn't figure any of those people into his math. Do they pay for a ticket? Is there a limit to how many people they can bring to work their booth? Do they get dinner or not?

Looking at both the length of this article, and the pile of Mongoose lies I still haven't mentioned, I've decided it's just too much to cover. I'm not even going to start with all the questions I have for Marty the Moron. I'll just close with this. We all know there will be no dinner, Danny D isn't going to be playing, nobody will be getting an award, no celebrities will be red carpet walking, and most importantly, I'm not going to get a Grizzly Adams coffee mug, hoodie, or lunchbox!

I might never recover from that disappointment. Move over, Cookout. I'll be crying in my beer next to you at the bar.