Detroit Reopens S.T.R.E.S.S. Unit

Dateline Detroit: Decades after Coleman Young disbanded the controversial police S.T.R.E.S.S. (Stop The Robberies Enjoy Safe Streets) unit, there is a hue and cry from the good citizens of the Motor City to reopen and retool the task force...

Stop This Retard's Endless Stupid Scams!

Stay tuned, CoMmies, as we're just getting started...

Awards Dinner Death Spiral

Stay tuned, CoMmies. Don't miss the "fireworks"...

Marty Prehn's "I Need an Event Name" (aka "Can I get my deposit back?")

From our roving reporter, Robert Cookout, III:

"There is a certain electricity in the air here in Macomb County, Michigan as we enter into the Mongoose Season. Shopping mall traffic is running a brisk pace as the locals prepare for the month-long festivities, starting with Marty's birthday party at Comerica Park Friday and ending in a grand fashion with the Dan Haggerty Awards next month."

When I accepted the job of editor of this blog I thought to myself: "How hard can it be?" I'm now starting to understand why RC3 turned to the bottle in an attempt to cope with the continuous stream of complete and vapid stupidity that comes from Marty 24/7. Elder Dawg is so full of shit even he can't keep up with his constant new lies. I've reached the point where I can no longer keep all of the various claims about Marty's imaginary dinner straight. It's seems that the closer we get to June 16th-18th, the more the weekend events change. This fake event changes by the hour depending on who Marty is lying to at the moment.

Normally, when doing these reviews, I post a screen shot of whatever the latest lie is to fall out of Elder Dawg's overworked pie hole. Now that Marty has ramped up his last minute lie fest as he runs short on time, there are just too many to post. Not to mention, the length of these new claims just keeps growing. For example, one of his new updates is so long, it takes three screen shots to cover it all. There really isn't any point in wasting that much bandwidth just for the latest eye roll inducing Mongoose droppings. For this update, I'll just point out the obvious bullshit and assume that our loyal readers know it exists in cyberspace and is shared with 3,800 faceless "friends".

One of the most obvious signs that this entire dinner fiasco is nothing more than a Marty delusion is the constantly changing name. Marty claimed last week that 500 tickets had been printed, but the hall would hold up to 1000. I've seen the dinner called by three different names the last few days alone. I can't even begin to remember the total number of different names this fantasy has had since the beginning. I'd like to know what name is actually printed on these newly produced tickets and why can't Marty use one as a cheat sheet when hyping his event? If all the names he has used recently were printed on the tickets, they would be poster size. No wonder the availability date keeps changing. The print shop must be going crazy with the constant reorders.

Marty's latest great dinner announcement involves one of his previous fake advocacy crusades, the Leavenworth 10. One of these men, Corey Clagett, was released a couple of months ago. Of course this made him a new Marty favorite target. Now Marty not only claims Corey has confirmed he will be attending Marty's red carpet, black tie dinner to be honored, but Marty is also going to present him with a brand new blue truck to reward him for his service to the country. Apparently, Corey needs this truck to use as transportation to his job working for some charity. I guess Marty doesn't think Mr Clagett should have to drive the yellow truck or Corvette that are pictured on his Facebook page. Marty: Make sure his new truck comes with North Carolina plates. We don't need another out-of-state plate scandal like that Shylock Pixley character pulled last November...

Marty also decides to mention the man's mother will also be coming to Detroit to attend Elder Dawg's historical dinner. Here is a screen shot of a small part of Marty's epic announcement;

As usual, Marty can't go more than a day without proclaiming he's having a fundraiser for something. Marty fails to mention what this fundraiser is or where and when it is so, I assume it's another top secret affair. Maybe he's having it at the same location he held his Unity in the Community Task Force press conference. Just think "metro" CoMmies and you'll know as much as Marty about the secret location. Sneaky little retard, eh?

Another part of the constant lies Marty is struggling to remember is the sale of tickets to his dream. His latest announcement claims tickets sales will start on his birthday. I'm a little confused about how tickets were "going fast" over a month ago, and the few remaining tickets would be sold at a Danny D show if the tickets weren't even available? Oh, you moronic imbecile. I can keep up with your lies better than you can, Marty!

Another aspect of the ticket confusion is the price. Originally tickets were on sale for $73.00 but in Marty's latest claims they are now $60.00 in honor if his 60th birthday. I think this might be a case of Marty mixing two of his delusions together. Weren't the tickets to Marty's 60th birthday party/fix the cottage toilet dinner also $60.00? You remember that one right? The dinner complete with a raffle to win a weekend at his parents historical destination of the stars lake cottage. The one with no hot water, rusted pipes, and the previously mentioned broken toilet. Not sure when that event was cancelled but I do wonder if those ticket holders can exchange their tickets for one to his next event.

Marty was nice enough to use his BJU college education to help us all with ticket math. Tickets are now $60 or you can purchase a table of ten for the low price of $500. Thanks for pointing out that equates to $50 a ticket, Marty. I never would have been able to figure it out on Bob's expense report.

Since Marty was kind enough to help us all with some math, I figure I'll return the favor. Barrister Gardens has a 55 person minimum to hold an event. They charge $30 a person. That's works out to $1,650. Danny D wants $1,400 to provide an evening of entertainment. After you subtract the $600 deposit on the banquet hall that Marty conned Flo into putting on her credit card, he has a minimum balance of $2,450 due just for the hall and music. When you start adding up the other expenses involved such as red carpet rental, security, tuxedo rental, and so on, it looks like the Mongoose has some large bills coming due soon. If Marty sells 6 tables of ten at $500 each, that might be enough to cover those costs but then he'll have another problem. That's already 60 people, 5 over the minimum. When you take into consideration all of the award winners and Marty's personal special guests that won't be paying for their ticket, the amount  just keeps rising. I don't think Marty's math skills have worked out all of those details. Maybe Rita Maid can help. She went to accounting school.

I'm not even going to attempt to cover all of the election candidates that Marty invited to attend and set up campaign booths. You know the clueless ass didn't figure any of those people into his math. Do they pay for a ticket? Is there a limit to how many people they can bring to work their booth? Do they get dinner or not?

Looking at both the length of this article, and the pile of Mongoose lies I still haven't mentioned, I've decided it's just too much to cover. I'm not even going to start with all the questions I have for Marty the Moron. I'll just close with this. We all know there will be no dinner, Danny D isn't going to be playing, nobody will be getting an award, no celebrities will be red carpet walking, and most importantly, I'm not going to get a Grizzly Adams coffee mug, hoodie, or lunchbox!

I might never recover from that disappointment. Move over, Cookout. I'll be crying in my beer next to you at the bar.

Marty Prehn's Fantasy World Grinds to a Halt!

"Damn you Flem Ling!"

"And Facebook can expect a federal lawsuit filed by my attorney Barry Powers for violating my civil rights!"

Fleeting Fame of a Retarded Mongoose

Just another day in the life of Detroit's biggest idiot...

First things first, CoMmies. I have to start out this latest Marty Prehn fake advocacy report by welcoming all of our recent new readers from Detroit. We've certainly had a surge in views from within the city itself and ObamaPhone views are off the charts! When Marty starts attempting to spread the lie of his greatness to a new section of "Metro" Detroit, people start to Google him and guess where they land?  I'm more than happy to point out to these people just what a lying, fake, worthless asshole Marty really is. So welcome "close Marty friends". Make sure you read our previous articles so you can fully understand the Mongoose's years long struggle for attention. We can't tell you how many endless hours of laughter we've enjoyed at the expense of your newest brother.

Ok, back to the idiot. Marty decided to bless us with one of his infamous "look at me" posts this morning, complete with a Marty dream come true. A news video that has a split second view of his dumb ass. It contains the trademarks that we've all become to expect from the attention starved moron. Here is Marty's latest:

As you can see, this is just another standard attention seeking post from Marty. He starts out by showing us what the most important aspect of Marty's advocacy really is - attention for himself. "Watch this video and look for Elder Dawg wearing his Special Agent hat." It's not about working for change or giving credit to those who are actually trying to make a difference. It's all about the Mongoose being seen on TV. Do you see posts like this being put out by the people who were actually interviewed by the press? Do they tout their appearance on TV BECAUSE THEY WERE NEWSWORTHY all over Facebook? No, they don't because that's not what they're trying to accomplish. They are doing this because they care about their community, Marty does it to bring attention to himself. I struggle to find the words to describe how pathetic Marty is, but we here at CoM know it when we see it. He's just so "Martyish©".

I'm going to skip the rest of his comment because it's really just more Mongoose crap. Drop the name of an ex-con friend of Kwami,, throw out all of the cliche's he's heard about this rally and add some lie to take credit for someone being there. The most telling part of this Marty post is the video he so wants people to see him in.

After watching the video Marty is so proud of and is just begging people to watch, I couldn't help but laugh at him.  Only a desperate attention hound would even mention this video and tell you to look for him in it. First of all, you can immediately see that nobody there really wants to have anything to do with Elder Dawg. It's really hard to see how they really feel about Marty because, you never really see him for more than a second or two at a time. I decided to try to capture some still shots of the Greatest Advocate Michigan has ever known but it was quite difficult. Here is one I managed to grab:

You can see Marty in the distance behind the person being interviewed. This is as close as Marty ever gets to the reporter and his camera crew. I'm left to wonder why Marty was stuck so far away from the action. Instead of being kicked to the back of the bus, it appears Marty was relegated to the back of the rally. It's really hilarious to watch, though. Marty bounced around like the energizer bunny trying to stay in the camera shot. Is he so far away because the organizers corralled him away from the camera or have all the reporters and their crews gotten wise and filed PPO's on the Mongoose? It does appear he stays at least 50 feet away at all times.

Marty managed to stay in the camera view long enough for me to get a shot of him one other time. Here he is still peeking over a crowd of shoulders from the rear:

As you can see from both of the pictures I've shown you, Marty isn't interacting with the crowd nor waving a protest sign. He's doing nothing more than staring at the camera and hoping he will show up in the final footage the station airs. One of the people interviewed says the people are not there for the media, but to try to help the community. That's just not true of Elder Dawg. He's there for one reason and one reason only. His appearance at this rally was for the sole purpose of getting himself on television. After seeing him in this video, I can't help but wonder; is this what he looked like when he was "marching hand in hand" with MLK at the age of ten? Did he look this same way while waiting in line to get Dan Haggerty's autograph? These photos are a window into Marty's entire life. Standing in the back, desperately peeking over the crowd at the people who matter. All so  he can later try to claim he was involved from the start. What a loser.

I'll have to wrap up this latest update now. Today is the day of Marty great Unity in the Community Task Force press conference and I'm waiting on an update. Right now, RC3 is searching the city, with all of the Detroit press, looking for the Top Secret location of this "historic event". Marty's big clue "metro" left everyone in the dark about this press conference. I guess he just got too busy sending friend requests to tell us the next clue. 

Marty: Should the next clue happen to be "Slurpee", pay that poor clerk for the Slim Jim's you stole. It came out of her pay, you pathetic bastard.