Go West, Young Mongoose. Sha Right...

Attention CoMmies worldwide, you're not going to believe this:

MARTY PREHN IS BEGGING FOR MONEY!

Yes, that is not a misprint. Apparently, two recent "good works" trips to Tennessee and California have taken a financial toll on the Mongoose and he has no choice but to seek cash for doing nothing other than being an idiot with no shame whatsoever. Who among us could deny that fat retard a vacation from Jr's living room floor?

The "story" (wink, wink) is that Marty was a recent hospital guest, courtesy of your hard earned tax dollars, (ie: Medicaid for homeless slobs who blow their Bridge Card money on junk food) for a life-threatening heart ailment. We all know that the truth is, how do you say, "shocking".

After the mandatory 72 hours in the hospital being "observed", plus a couple more recuperating at an unknown location, Marty is back to being the idiot we all love to laugh at, doing what he does best - lie and beg.

The first sign that there was trouble in Martyland came last Monday. When Marty's page views decreased from his usual 50 to 75 a day all the way down to 30, alarm bells went off at CoM headquarters. It didn't take our crack investigators long to discover what was going on, Marty had been hospitalized. You can imagine the fear this news brought us. If something were to happen to Marty, what would we all do for comedic entertainment? But no worries, CoMmies, Marty is alive and still just as stupid as ever. Of course, no way Marty could resist using this latest development for his own gain. A few short days after being discharged, we see this post on his Facebook page:

There is nothing surprising about this latest comment from Elder Dawg. It contains all the hallmarks of a typical Marty scam attempt, plus plenty of idiocy. I'll start with his "Back to the Future" reference in which Marty McFly travels through time - hence the title of the movie - in a time machine, not a spacecraft, you moron. Even my six year old kid knew that. "Mommy, read it to me again what that dumb fat man said about the movie before bedtime, please!"  Next he'll claim he is an astronaut and flew the space shuttle with his BJU pilot's license. He's just so damn stupid.

Next we see the evolution of Marty's heart problems that we've heard about several times over the years. It began with the "I Need a Hero" fiasco because Marty's "days were numbered" unless he immediately received a pacemaker. That was over three years ago. Who can believe that the Mongoose made it this long? Then it was having Jr try to convince Eva to beg his landlord for cash to buy some exotic and expensive heart medication. Next it was a GoFundMe page to raise money for a heart transplant. Now, Marty announces he needs a minor outpatient surgery to fix his problem after he spent three days in the hospital with the staff working hard to "keep his heart beating". How many times can this superhero escape death? I can't wait to see the pictures of Denny McLain bringing Marty a Gatorade and Slim Jims. Or maybe Ruth Johnson and Bill Schuette delivering get well soon flowers and a big ol' teddy bear to the former Michiganian of the year candidate. They do that for all 51/50 wards, don't they?

The next part of the latest spew from the Mongoose is Marty showing us whose coattail he's now attempting to ride. The daughter of Casey Kasem has now become the latest target of the Elder Dawg! Marty claims to be working with her on his next great legislation in Michigan. I can only assume the Falk/Chism, or it it the Campbell/Chism legislation is getting yet another name. It's all academic at this point, as it's "commonly known as the Justice for Jean Bill". Here comes the Kasem/Chism Bill in Michigan! Will Marty's good friend Pete Lucido be the champion of this while Marty "walks it through the House and Senate behind the scenes"? This legislation is destined to end up like all of the previous ones. Someone is going to tell Marty to go to hell or they're calling the cops. No bill is ever introduced in Michigan, at least not with Marty's involvement. It's all just another Marty lie. Think "Wyatt's Law".

Now we come to the most important part of this Mongoose dropping. Marty announces he plans to attend a conference in California in April. After Marty's last two travel announcements turned out like they always do, he never left Detroit, why would he try it again? We pointed out on this blog that Marty couldn't afford a bus pass, much less airfare and hotel expenses for travel. This time Marty decided to throw caution to the wind and combine his latest near death health scare and upcoming travel needs into - you guessed it - a donation scam.

As with any new great announcement from the Mongoose, there are a lot of unanswered questions that Marty will never clear up. I'll list a few of the first things that come to my mind.

Why is it "breaking news" that broke-ass Marty wants donations again? That's pretty old news, as far as I can tell.

Which of Marty's two excuses for needing donations take priority? Will he pay his alleged medical expenses first or pay for his trip? Or will he just use the money he receives to eat at McDonald's like he usually does?

Why is Marty asking that the donations be sent directly to him instead of using GoFundMe or Paypal? Maybe Elder Dawg doesn't want any tracking or records of what he actually receives? Sorta surprised he's not asking for a brown paper lunch bag with unmarked $10's and $20's.

How much money does Marty actually need to cover both of his bullshit excuses? Is there even a fundraising goal?

What is the topic of the big conference Marty wants people to pay his way to attend and was he even invited? He fake advocates for so many different causes, the possibilities are endless. Is it a conference on how to scam old Polish ladies?

Who are Marty's "Hollywood and Nashville friends" he claims to be forming yet another nonprofit corporation with? Last I heard, everyone he tried to associate with in both of those cities told him to go away. 

Will Marty manage to get enough donations to match or exceed "Operation Patch Adams" (OPA)? CoM is officially predicting a tie.

Where are all of Marty's corporate sponsors to pay his way to California?

When will the article on the front page of USA Today be coming out to kick the donating into high gear?

Well, I could go on and on but now that I think about it, why bother? We all know what the truth is, what the results will be and most importantly that nobody is going to fund Marty's miserable life. He can just do what he usually does, lay in the floor of whoever he's currently mooching a place to stay at and pronounce his greatness on Facebook. 

Yep, that's some "BREAKING NEWS" alright.