Thursday, October 27, 2016

The "Curse of Job" Befalls Asshole Marty - Again!


"God often punishes with the taking of a person's child or children or in the case a Job his entire family except his wife to get the sinners attention. Our children are our true inheritnece and my sister through her greed and evil ways has already lost 1 third of her inheritence and sadly I believe her other children will be taken in horrific accidents as God's way of spanking her for the sins and evil that she did to myself and my parents." - Marty Prehn 

It's that time once again, faithful readers! Here is the latest update on our favorite worthless idiot, Marty Prehn. Now that Elder Dawg has been neutered by Facebook yet again, most of the idiocy being committed under the Prehn name is the work of Marty Jr. We'll touch on that, plus give a brief update on Papa.

Over the last month or so, it appears Jr has increased his felonious activities. First he was arrested in Macomb county for several outstanding traffic tickets and a new felony charge of receiving stolen property. After a guilty plea with a sentencing date of October 27th, Jr was released pending sentencing. What to do? "I think I'll hide out at the famous Prehn Cottage of the Stars in Prudenville, Michigan, get a child drunk and statutorily rape her!"


Upon arrest, Jr told the police his name was Kurtis North, his old partner in crime from an earlier felony and current friend of his Baby Mamma, Laquieta. His real identity was discovered after he was fingerprinted for his latest charge of Accosting a minor for Immoral Purposes.  After discovering that a man from the Detroit area was soliciting nude pictures of their daughter on Facebook and coming to visit with booze and a boner, the authorities were alerted and Jr was picked up before he could consummate his evil plan. Seems like the Prehn sexual perversions were passed down to the next generation. Is that included in Mongoose tutoring, Marty? Soon, Jr will be having more sex than his pretty ass can handle. Ouch!

Jr's prison sentencing has now been delayed until December because he was locked up on the new charges and unable to appear in Macomb County court 200 miles away. It's shaping up to be another lonely Facebook Christmas this year for our miserable muse. Keen readers will recall his thug kid being locked up for some reason every year for the holidays. Oh, the magic of Christmas! Anyway, enough about Jr. On to the patriarch of the Prehn crime family, Marty Sr.

Marty has once again managed to get himself suspended from posting on Facebook. This is the closest thing to death Marty can experience. His entire pathetic existence depends on his constant posting and sharing on Facebook anything he can get his greasy sausage fingers on. Poor Marty is even shut out from name dropping and lying on his hero Bill Windsor's now legendary "Goodbye, Cruel World" letter on Facebook. After only a couple of days of suspension, Marty just couldn't take it anymore. He has now begun posting on a Top Secret secondary emergency Facebook account. The funny part about that is, it only has five boring friends and Bill Windsor isn't one of them. Nor is Flo, a Campbell, Chism brat or a single black person! The pathetic moron is basically posting to himself. He can't even make his stupid threats with any hope of his numerous enemies seeing it. Like a little kid whose bicycle has two flat tires, he goes nowhere fast while all the normal and popular children play. Marty Wow!

You can find all of Marty's latest and severely handicapped stupidity here: 

 https://m.facebook.com/marty.prehn.5

So there you have it CoMmies, that's really all there is to report. But cheer up, as you know the Mongoose will be back, more powerful than ever just as soon as his suspension ends. Until then, he's just another homeless idiot that nobody even notices is gone.


And it's a beautiful day...


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Marty Prehn Fades Into Ghetto Obscurity



Gentle CoMmies;

Thanks for your continued support of CoM and our coverage of the biggest idiot to ever live, Marty Prehn. As I'm sure you have figured out by the lack of any breaking news, Elder Dawg hasn't done anything worthy of a report lately. As hard as it is to believe, Marty has become even more worthless than he's ever been. Such is the vapid existence of an unwanted and unwashed "Advocate to the Stars" wannabe.

Other than a couple of recent reach-around attempts with Denny McLain and the occasional ass kiss towards the Campbell family, Marty has been tamped down again. No event hijack attempts. No threats towards his estranged family. No new mention of Catherine Falk and the death threats Marty claimed she made against him. Not even the promise of sending Flem Ling to prison "soon boy"! It's almost like Marty finally figured out that people just laughed - while holding their collective breath - every time he opened that anal orifice where his mouth should be.

It also appears that Marty has been unable to cover up his real life misery with his Facebook fantasies. Now that the countdown has begun for Jr's next trip up the river, the Mongoose lair has become a mobile command post. After getting the boot from Jr's drug house, Marty couldn't get any of his black friends to take him in. Nor could he convince Linda to let him back to the apartment where they shared so many cans of Crisco and other perversions. As of this writing, Marty is renting places to flop on a pay by the day basis. We haven't pinpointed his current location because it changes quite frequently. 


Rest assured, faithful CoMmies, that our crack operatives are on the case and we'll have an update shortly

Meanwhile, feel free to download our latest release for iPhone and Android from the Apple and Google App stores, complete with our newest game add-on "Mongoose Go", where you can collect droppings and earn free stuff like our iconic T-shirts and - just in time for back to school - the ever-popular lunchboxes!

Love, 

Tut
Xoxo