Gentle CoMmies;
Thanks for your continued support of CoM and our coverage of the biggest idiot to ever live, Marty Prehn. As I'm sure you have figured out by the lack of any breaking news, Elder Dawg hasn't done anything worthy of a report lately. As hard as it is to believe, Marty has become even more worthless than he's ever been. Such is the vapid existence of an unwanted and unwashed "Advocate to the Stars" wannabe.
Other than a couple of recent reach-around attempts with Denny McLain and the occasional ass kiss towards the Campbell family, Marty has been tamped down again. No event hijack attempts. No threats towards his estranged family. No new mention of Catherine Falk and the death threats Marty claimed she made against him. Not even the promise of sending Flem Ling to prison "soon boy"! It's almost like Marty finally figured out that people just laughed - while holding their collective breath - every time he opened that anal orifice where his mouth should be.
It also appears that Marty has been unable to cover up his real life misery with his Facebook fantasies. Now that the countdown has begun for Jr's next trip up the river, the Mongoose lair has become a mobile command post. After getting the boot from Jr's drug house, Marty couldn't get any of his black friends to take him in. Nor could he convince Linda to let him back to the apartment where they shared so many cans of Crisco and other perversions. As of this writing, Marty is renting places to flop on a pay by the day basis. We haven't pinpointed his current location because it changes quite frequently.
Rest assured, faithful CoMmies, that our crack operatives are on the case and we'll have an update shortly.
Meanwhile, feel free to download our latest release for iPhone and Android from the Apple and Google App stores, complete with our newest game add-on "Mongoose Go", where you can collect droppings and earn free stuff like our iconic T-shirts and - just in time for back to school - the ever-popular lunchboxes!
Love,
Tut
Xoxo
