Marty Prehn's "Year of the Mongoose"

As 2013 comes to a close I thought we should bid a fond farewell to "The Year of the Mongoose". Marty had great things in store for our country this past year. His plans were so incredible he proclaimed it the year of the mongoose - fighting crime, jailing siblings, freeing soldiers, blah blah blah. Looking back at these plans reveals what amounts to nothing but failure for a man who has never accomplished anything his entire life. 

Marty's marquee event for the year was going to be his own personal memorial service with self-eulogy - complete with a donated coffin - recapping his life story. The "I Need a Hero" extravaganza was to be his greatest event ever. Paula Deen was going to co-host this nationally televised and internationally streamed event to pay tribute to the greatest American since Ronald Reagan; Martin Erwin Prehn. All of Hollywood were to be in attendance with performances by Bette Midler, Debby Boone and Bob Seger.  This two day event (with hotel and 5 Star restaurant discounts for out of towners) would raise a cool $1,000,000. However, this star-studded gala was canceled when Marty couldn't come up with the $200 deposit to hold his high school auditorium.

Marty did do some groundbreaking civil rights activism during his year of mongoosing.  He managed to sneak into a video at a fundraiser that actor Danny Glover attended.  At least I think that was Marty. All you ever really see is the back of an enormous grey-haired guy eating.  I'd say that's some of his best work ever.  Bill Windsor would be proud.

Speaking of Windsor,  somewhere on the road to Mongoosapalooza we noticed that Marty had dropped the make-believe title of Lawless America's Regional Director from his long list of credits. Can't be sure if this title was stripped from him or, like the rodent Marty is, he jumped off that sinking ship. 

While Marty continues to vow prison terms for everyone who has ever looked cross-eyed at him (mostly his siblings and people who read this blog), the only incarceration we know of is Marty Jr who as of this writing sits in a county jail.  The charge doesn't really matter, as his rap sheet is longer than this article. All of his other nemeses are either at large or unaware of his top secret pending charges.

2013 brought sadness to many who lost a loved one. This, however, was a record year for Marty to crash post-funeral luncheons!  At last count, he scammed his way into at least 14 of such family gatherings, but only if food is provided to the mourners.

Looking back on the past year, Marty continues to evade that illusive J.O.B. word, but who cares? Marty's greatest accomplishment for 2013 would be continuing to milk Florence Iverson of her retirement money while seeking donations to his legal defense fund. Look forward to his "Save the Veteran's Living Legacy Cottage Fund" in 2014.

Feel free to post your favorite Year of the Mongoose accomplishments below.

Have a Happy New Year, fellow Prehntenders!