Evolution of the Mongoose

It's another great day here in Martyland my fellow CoMmies. Marty, the world's biggest idiot, continues to supply me with job security. His never ending stupidity gives me plenty of material to write about, and for that I owe the Mongoose a big thank you. So thanks, Marty, for being such a complete moron.

Today, I'd like to touch on a couple of Marty's latest escapades in his wide world of advocacy. Most advocates have a cause they are passionate about and dedicate their time and resources to that cause. Unfortunately for the Elder Dawg, his childish, feeble little mind can't focus on one cause. With no real purpose in life, time is his only resource. As Marty watches the news and trolls the Internet looking for his next chance to assault a TV news crew, he's easily distracted. Marty will see a story one night and then suddenly the next morning he becomes an advocate on that topic. I've lost count of how many causes Marty has claimed to be an advocate for but we all know he's never been a real advocate for anything other than feeding his enormous gut and causing misery to his family.

It appears that Marty's next national advocacy is child abuse. The Mongoose happened across a story about a young mother who's son was injured by being shaken. She's now trying to get a registry of child abusers started, not unlike the current sex abuser registry. An admirable cause, until Marty inserts his fat face. Once Marty saw her story was getting some media coverage, this suddenly became the most important cause in Marty's advocacy career. After the miserable failure of his last great crusade, OPA, Marty needed a new angle to try to get some attention. We all know Marty is drawn to media attention like flies to a pile of shit, so enter National Child Abuse Advocate Marty Prehn. That's P-R-E-H-N for members of the media.

Marty spent his weekend sending friend requests to anyone he could find on Facebook that's associated with child abuse. In between request, he repeatedly praised the young mother over and over on his page. Dedicating songs to her, calling her Saint Clair Shores newest hero. Marty just couldn't keep his inner dumb ass tamped down though. I saw one comment he made about the child who received brain damage from being shaken. "Wounded, beaten, shaken but not stirred...". He's a child Marty, not one of your imaginary special agent drinks, you tactless idiot.

As we've seen many times, anything involving Marty has a dark side. Based on all of Marty's posts about this attractive, 26 year old mother, he has become totally infatuated with her. His song dedications to her alone seem just like his past actions toward a past love/lust/food interest of his. Marty has already started commenting on reporters pages to contact HIM if they want to interview this woman. Has he named himself her agent now and is trying to control access to her? How long until he's obsessively texting this woman? Suddenly appearing where she is? Showing up at her home unannounced late at night like he has other women whose cause he decided to join. I can only hope this young woman quickly figures out , Marty is a liar, can't deliver on any of the promises he made to her and is a stalking pervert who will turn on her after she rejects his advances. If you're reading this, Erica, trust us. We're experts on all things Marty.

The other aspect of Marty's advocacy is money. No cause is immune to Marty trying to exploit it for donations. He was talking about a fund raiser for this woman before he met her. Now that Marty figured out there wasn't any money for him advocating against suicide, he moved on to his next advocacy. Be on the lookout for Marty's new fundraisers and donation pleas. You know they're coming.

Marty's advocacy history also causes me some worry about his new cause. He became an elder advocate after abusing his elderly mother. He advocated against suicide while using the suicide of a family member of someone he was mad at in an attempt to cause them pain. He was an anti bullying advocate while bullying a 15 year old girl about her weight online.

What child has Marty abused that made him become a child abuse advocate? Is it based on his not acknowledging his own grandson? Is Jr so messed up because he was "shaken but not stirred" as a child? 

Right now, my money is on both!

Inside the Lair of the Mongoose: A Glimpse Into the Bowels of Hell

Today is not only a historic day for all of the readers here at CoM but for the entire internet - all 80 billion of them. Never before has the general public had the privilege of seeing the inside of the Lair of the Mongoose. Until now, this hallowed site had been a closely guarded government secret. From the looks of these pictures, that was for the health and well being of the public. 

As you can see, Marty went to great lengths to camouflage the top secret activities that took place here. To the untrained eye, this looks like the inside of a garbage dumpster or perhaps a goat's stomach. Only a brilliant Undercover Special Agent could conceive of this incredible plan to protect his tools for espionage. 

I can only imagine how many starlets were seduced by the Mongoose on this mattress. I doubt most respectable bed bugs would go near that mess. Is this where Marty planned on going when he said "your place or mine" to his seduction targets? Could this be where Linda fell victim to Elder Dawg's charm?  Sounds about right, as she obviously has no self respect or sense of smell.

This could be a very important picture from the Lair. Could that box be Marty's collection of FBI surveillance tapes? One or more of those VHS tapes must be the footage from his months long stake out of an apartment. How many hours of masturbating with stuffed animals are recorded on those tapes? I'm sure by now Marty has worn most of them out watching them over and over and over. Please notice the relatively close proximity to the hand lotion supply discussed below.  We'll report back once we unstick them and borrow a VHS player from the Smithsonian to review.

Of course this was Marty's most important forensic tool while analyzing the MVZ tapes. I shudder at the thought of what he was "shaking not stirring" with that bottle of lotion. Overcompensation comes to mind with a bottle that size...

It has been reported that when remediation of this pig sty began, the smell immediately induced violent vomiting episodes from several people. How could someone as influential and successful as Marty live this way? Is this where he hosted Senators, Attorneys General, Sarah Palin or Bob Seger? My most important question would be: Is this really where the late Mr. Prehn wanted his wife to join him for all of eternity - under all of this Mongoose piss soaked crap? I think we all know the answer to that question.

I'd say these photos are proof positive that MARTY PREHN IS THE MOST DISGUSTING EXCUSE OF A PERSON ON THE PLANET.

If any reader wishes to argue that point, have at it.  We're certified experts on Marty.