Dear Readers;
My name is John Tuttle. As the new editor of the Chronicles of Marty, I am very excited to work with all of you loyal readers as we, together, continue to follow the madcap adventures of Marty Prehn.
The purchase and transfer of ownership of this blog has finally been completed. The details of this transaction will not be posted here but will be available in our quarterly report to shareholders and the SEC. Negotiations were some of the most intricate, if not bizarre, I've ever been a witness to. I've never seen a pair of flip flops and two cases of Malibu rum included in a sales price, but Mr Cookout drove a hard bargain and sorta scribbled his name on the closing papers. Our attorney said it's legal, so RCIII is out and I'm in. We wish him the best in his future endeavors.
As the new editor of this blog, I'd like to assure you that the high journalistic standards of the previous staff will be upheld. My company purchased this blog because of the high readership and active involvement of all of you CoMmies, so there will be no major immediate changes. Rest assured, the mission and vision of RCIII will remain the driving force behind this blog's future activities and he is on an active consulting retainer. The trick will be to get him to answer the phone.
With new ownership there will also be some new behind the scenes activities. For example, we have a crack research team at our disposal, not the drunken paralegal used by the previous owner. Our team is dedicated to researching all facets of our stories and the players involved. The last two months have obviously been dedicated to confirming sources and documents pertaining to Marty.
Our investigation unfortunately didn't reveal much new information. Other than several creditors, property tax collectors and most of the restaurants in the metro Detroit area, not many people care about Mr Prehn. We've checked all of the "Mongoose's" (why anyone would name themselves after a rodent is beyond me) affiliations with various three letter agencies and, other than a few old warrants for his son, found no connections. All that our team found were Mr Prehn's many hollow threats of arrest, imprisonment, PPO's to be served, mythical fireworks that are forthcoming and fantasies of some surveillance tapes of an innocent woman in Texas masturbating with various stuffed animals.
Our corporate team is also very aware of Mr Prehn's threats towards this blog and the previous owner. Marty seems to be very confused about the identity of the writer of this blog. Our team identified more than ten people Marty confirmed were the writer, including having their IP addresses. With the well known fact that Mr Prehn frequents this blog, we have drafted a statement to Marty addressing his threats:
"Dear Mr Prehn
In response to your various legal threats aimed at this blog and it's contributors, our official comment is as follows:
NANA NANA BOO BOO!
See you at the courthouse vending machines.
Thanks and best regards,
Chronicles of Marty"
I'll close with a word about Mr Cookout. He expressed great regret that he was leaving all of you loyal CoMmies. He was fond of all of you and wanted everyone to know how much he appreciated your support. RCIII felt the time was right to move on to his next great crusade in his life. It's rumored that Bob was either returning to his job as a writer for "Stars and Stripes" or becoming a drunken degenerate on a beach in the Virgin Islands. Based on his last sighting, probably the latter. Mr Cookout was spotted in Slapshotz Bar and Grill at DTW, sitting at a window flipping the bird in the general direction of Saint Clair Shores with one hand while waving some cheap statue with the other. The last words he spoke before boarding his flight:
"Screw you Marty, you're just as clueless now as you've been your entire miserable life."
Sincerely,
Johnathon Tuttle
Editor and Chief Antagonizer
Chronicles of Marty
