An Overworked Eric Holder Calls It Quits

Claims He Can't Keep Up With Prehn Caseload

Zdravstvujtye, CoMmies! 

It's now been a week since the beginning of Marty's great weekend of good works. Nautical Smile was scheduled to kick of the festivities last Friday night. Operation Patch Adams was going to be the big closing event (fireworks?). All the local stations plus the national media were going to be lined up to interview the person responsible for this incredible weekend tribute to Robin Williams - none other than the Elder Avenger himself, Marty Prehn.

After searching all week, our research department was unable to find a single video clip, newspaper article or flip phone picture of any Marty's moments of greatness. How could all of the media that was present not make Marty their lead story on the weekend news or on Sunday's front page? Where was TMZ? Didn't anyone get Marty's numerous emails or voicemail messages pointing out their chance to interview the greatest Michigan resident since Henry Ford? Marty couldn't even provide coverage of his own greatness on his Facebook page. Perhaps Walmart was unable to meet the demand for all the smiley face buttons that he proudly boasted to SCS City Council he was in the process of procuring. Or maybe he simply couldn't bum gas money from Linda.

All of Marty's planning and preparation for the tribute has caused a problem that I'm afraid he didn't see coming. Marty had been neglecting his true calling - investigating and prosecuting all of the numerous federal crimes committed against him. With the announced departure of Marty's "business associate" Eric Holder at the DOJ, these investigations have been hampered even further. Let's review a few of them to see if we can remind Marty that these criminals will get away with their crimes if he doesn't get busy.

When I began going through the pile of research the previous editor of this blog left behind, I kept seeing updates from Marty about a federal crime that he was the victim of. RC3 sufficiently covered his murderous, mom-kidnappin', arsonistic, embezzling sister -  who should be about 1/3 of the way through her 20 year stint in the federal pen - so we'll move down the list a bit to his illegal retaliation eviction at the hands of Guy and Robin. I saw numerous rants spread over several months about this heinous act. Marty claimed that although his rent was paid in full, the locks were illegally changed and proper notice wasn't served informing him that he wasn't invited back. Imminent arrest for these crimes was predicted several times by the Special Agent. I believe every time Marty went to court as a battered wife, this crime was to be addressed and the perpetrators were to leave the courthouse in handcuffs. Suddenly, we have stopped hearing about Marty's progress in getting justice against these criminals. Has this investigation been put on the back burner because of the sudden passing of Marty's dear friend, comedian Robin Williams? Will Guy still be deported and his fiancé be picked up for her mental evaluation?

A spin off investigation related to these crimes was also started by the Mongoose. All of the people involved in the theft of his intellectual properties, like his bottle of lotion and the infamous MVZ masturbation tapes, would soon be brought to justice. His standard 20 years in federal prison was the sentence Marty kept threatening. This investigation was being conducted by Marty the FBI Agent. Not to be confused with Marty from the DOJ or the Secret Service. I can only assume this investigation has been delayed because Marty the CIA Agent realized all of his critical international documents in locked briefcases were compromised. This would cause the investigation to be transferred from the FBI to the CIA. Although Marty is the Agent in charge of this for both agencies, finding the gas money to transport the files from one library office to the other apparently became problematic.

Another crime we haven't seen an update on are the postal crimes committed by Robert Cookout. The Postmaster General was informed of these crimes by Marty several months ago. He and his sidekick Flo had nabbed "Booby" in a Facebook sting! The posting of Flo's letter explaining to Marty that he was bleeding her dry was the act that sealed Cookout's fate. Have we not heard anymore about this crime because the shadowy master criminal Mr Cookout fled the county? Is Marty the Postal Police Agent busy working on the extradition of Bob or is the USPS handling that now? Maybe he's hired his "good friend" Dog the Bounty Hunter to retrieve this felonious absconder. I'm sure we'll get an update on that case soon. 

These are just a few of the open investigations Marty has been leading. Due to bandwidth restrictions, we can't report on Marty's war on cyberstalkers that he continues to reference revenge porn laws when addressing the cases. Nor his ongoing prosecution of Flemshady that is based on a letter from the police stating that no crimes were committed by said goofball.

Has the Mongoose finally spread himself too thin? Other than the underwear he stole from JC Penney 20 years ago and continues to wear today, is it even possible for any mention of Marty to include the word "thin"? Has Marty's preoccupation with producing star filled events and TV shows forced him to push his crime fighting activities to the side? Stay tuned for more updates as I'm sure now that we've reminded Marty about these lies - I mean investigations - more news will be coming soon.

Keep the craziness going, Marty. I'm up for my 30 day performance review soon...

Marty Prehn's Good Works Weekend!

I hope all of you loyal readers of CoM (not to be confused with MPC or "Marty Prehn Chronicles") had a great weekend. Were any of you able to catch all of the media coverage of Marty's spectacular weekend of good works? That's ok, we weren't able to find any news coverage either. Apparently Marty's Nautical Smile/Operation Patch Adams weekend was nothing more than a fat idiot walking around sweating in a different dumb ass hat than usual. I'm sure everyone is as shocked as I am. And he raised the same amount of donations as he did the number of walkers on Team OPA - zero, zip, nada. A big, fat mongoose egg.

Marty spent the Friday leading up to his weekend of greatness padding his Facebook page with stories for all of the media that were sure to research him for their lead stories. He posted a video of the biggest triumph he's ever been able to convince people he was a part of - the Dr Chism story. He also posted a two year old picture of himself photobombing an unsuspecting television anchor. On the third straight post of the same photo, he added yet another lie about a star-studded, nationally aired tribute to Robin Williams to be broadcasted live from Macomb County in 2015!

What's with this guy and his bullshit nationally televised primetime specials? How many of these shows has Marty claimed he is going to be producing? This latest show isn't scheduled for broadcast until 2015. I guess that will give Marty plenty of time to milk his event for all it's worth before it becomes obvious it was just another one of his lies. What happened to his elder abuse live broadcast with Grizzly Adams and Betty White? Wasn't Doris Roberts also in the mix on that one? How come the network has changed from NBC to ABC? Was there a bidding war? Marty went so far as to tell "Team Chism" he had the official date, but neglected to say when exactly it is. At least the Chisms know Marty well enough to not even bother asking when their live TV appearance was to be. "Humor that fat asshole in Michigan. Otherwise, who knows what kind of lies he'll be Facebooking about us!"

Speaking of Team Chism and Marty, when is that Hallmark movie about Marty and the kids saving the life of the good doctor coming out? Or was it going to be on the Lifetime Channel? I don't think even Marty ever knew for sure. I do wonder how Marty and those cable channels managed to get the doctor's permission to make a movie about him when Marty didn't even know where Chism had gone on vacation with his wife, prompting his all-points ELDER ALERT - complete with physical descriptions of Mrs Chism and the plate information of possible getaway vehicles. Another pesky detail that Marty can't be bothered with when he's lying - which is pretty much whenever he opens his mouth or leeches someone's internet.

Why is it Marty has to make all of these claims of pending television appearances? Does he believe that being on TV is the pinnacle of success and fame? Forget a Nobel prize or a Pulitzer, prime time television is where the really important advocates are. Are all these claims by Marty nothing more than overcompensation for him being an absolute failure at every aspect of his life? He failed as a husband twice, as a father, grandfather, his mother's caregiver, stock boy at JC Penny and still can't get full-time at Carquest. I could go on and on but I think you get my point.

Everything will work out for Marty and his quest for television fame. He still has that twice a month, three minute television program he's a regular on. Thank God for the public comment portion of the SCS city council meetings airing on the public access channel! Without it, no one would know about his latest good works and the used car sales crime wave that has besieged the city. Marty wouldn't possibly miss these two chances a month to let us all get a glimpse of those incredible man boobs under a much too tight shirt. Actually, it's almost pornographic. 

But if all goes as predicted, at least he'll have a new T-shirt to wear next Monday!

They're Coming For Your Fat Ass, Marty!

COMING SOON: Our exclusive coverage of Marty Prehn's Nautical Smile/Operation Patch Adams weekend!

We know our coverage is exclusive because we can't find a single mention of either event with Marty by any of his close personal friends in the media.

Stay tuned. Check back early and often...

Marty Prehn's 'Into the Dumbness'

Nanu nanu, Commies;

I'm glad everyone continues to join in our coverage of Marty Prehn. I'm still a little new to the antics of the Mongoose but he's not a very hard person to figure out. Marty is obviously driven by nothing more than hate, bitterness, and a desperate need to gain praise and attention from anyone who will notice him. Preferably with a camera.

By way of background, last year Marty caught a ride with his washed up stuntman (WUS) friend and attended an event on the other side of Detroit, as WUS actually had a relationship with a woman who committed suicide.  Marty immediately started giving loving tributes to this woman, tearfully sharing memories of the 45 minutes they were actually in the same room together. At this event, he actually got a Senator to pose with his stupid statue!  Now, the trick is to recapture and expand upon his ever-growing list of "close personal friends".  Trish Kraus, WUS's late girlfriend, is so last year. As with Ronald Reagan, someone who is dead can't contest his crazy stories of their friendship, but who would make a suitable replacement this year?

Gentle readers, I give you "Operation Patch Adams"!

As Marty starts his hype campaign for his "Out of the Darkness" weekend that he is attempting to hijack and claim he's a part of, he shows us how much compassion he has for true suicide victims:

Marty Prehn
"Gloria it is amazing the amount of time n energy my cyber stalkers use or waste to try to track my every move n text. To say she is obsessed with her stalking activities would be an understatement. The other Robin Williams father comitted suicide n she was the one that found him. I am going over the police report of his death n the autopsy report and the media coverage. This explains her obsession with me. Her boyfriend states to his friends that she is a step down or 2 from his other girlfriends Pinkey and Cindy but has been with her to use her money and has no use for her kids as they are lazy and spoiled. They use each other and sadly as is the history with suicide survivors she or one of her children may resort to suicide to escape their pain or her control over them. Very sad indeed. The anger that rages within her is only getting worse and is becoming a threat to me to herself and to others. She lives in a world of make believe and distorts the truth and tears others down to try to hide from reality."
Edited · Like

It's become very obvious during my short time studying Marty that idiotic comments like this are the norm. I'll cover this comment in sections to best highlight his stupidity.

Marty begins by stating his amazement at the time and energy his so-called stalkers waste tracking him. This is really quite amusing when I think about it. How much time does Marty think it takes to read a couple of Facebook comments and then point out the stupidity and lies contained in them? Trust me when I say it's not hard or time consuming. Marty's constant moronic comments make it quite easy actually. I can assure you Marty spent more time editing his latest rant than I did reading it and writing this article. I'll touch on the amount of time Marty spends stalking people later.

Next, the absolute despicable nature of Marty starts to show. He points out that his alleged cyber stalker, Robin, was a victim of the suicide of her father. He goes so far as to include the detail that she was the one that had found him. What better way to show everyone the compassion you claim to have regarding this issue than to point out the details of this tragedy to inflict pain on its survivor? Marty goes on to say he is studying the police and autopsy results from this incident. What exactly is he searching for in these reports? More painful details to point out to inflict the most pain possible on the survivors? He also states "this explains her obsession with me".  Who is obsessing here? Robin hoped to be done with his fat ass once he was legally evicted, yet Marty is combing through old autopsy reports?  God, I can't get the phrase "piece of sh&t" out of my head.

Marty continues his attack by including the man who helped him when he was homeless and unemployed. Guy gave Marty a place to stay and helped him get the part time, minimum wage job he still has today. To show his gratitude, Marty now uses his knowledge of Guy's previous girlfriends in an attempt to cause problems in his relationship. How ungrateful and low can a person be? Marty continues to show everyone that there is no depth he won't sink to in order to try to cause others misery.

The most ironic part of this comment is Marty mentioning the kids involved. Let's point out what a great parent and role model Marty was to his kids. Marty refers to Robin's kids as lazy. Marty Jr, the son you blessed/cursed with your name, is currently locked up for selling heroin. Was he a hard working drug dealer? Was he following your example when he was selling his bridge card online? You must be glowing with pride that your son turned out just as lazy and worthless as you are. I won't mention your daughter and grandchild that literally fled the state of Michigan to get away from you. How's grandson Tay Tay doing? You refuse to acknowledge him and your worthless son still doesn't support him. Like father like son, right Marty?

Of course this attack by Marty confuses the person he is communicating with. The subject was suicide prevention and a tribute to Robin Williams. Marty gets this reply:

Gloria Jean Sykes
"OK, I'm confused. This is not the comedian Robin Willians you're holding tribute?"

It appears to me that Marty's friend can't figure out what Marty is talking about. He's claiming to be having a tribute for someone, then attacking them in the same conversation. It's unfortunate for Marty that both his late comic friend and his former landlord share the same name, but it still doesn't make sense to be advocating for the victims of suicide and then using a suicide as a way to attack a victim at the same time.  What am I saying? It doesn't need to make sense. I'll get the hang of this job eventually.

Of course with Marty being the name dropping idiot he is, he can't miss an opportunity to try to claim another famous friend:

Marty Prehn
"The tribute is to our mutual friend, comedian and humanitarian. The other one has been identified as one of my cyber stalkers in the HATE blog the Marty Prehn Chronicles. Lets chat bx email or by phone so our conversation remains private."

After 10 months, he still can't get the name of this blog correct.

We all know Marty has never met, talked to or was befriended by Robin Williams, but the part of that comment that shows the true Marty is the end. "Lets chat bx email or by phone so our conversation remains private." This tells your faithful correspondent that Marty wanted people to see him pointing out the suicide details of Robin's father, but he wants to hide the lies he's about to tell this woman next.

Marty loves to point out then attack his alleged stalkers but I can't help but notice a few things. Marty drives by these people's home and reports them for what he thinks are code violations. He parks across the street from their business for hours at a time. He comments on all the vehicles at their shop being repaired. He claims to have the city flying drones over their house to look in the back yard. Claims to have conversations with every federal, state and local authority about them. Promises police raids, news crews and the family business being "shut down". Goes to the trouble to get police and autopsy results of a family member's suicide. But Marty is amazed that someone is obsessed enough with him that they'd waste the time to go to a city council meeting and defend the lies he is posting that include actions taken by that very city against his targets?

That leads me to ask Marty this question: Who is the real obsessed stalker?

I'll give you a hint: He doesn't own a computer or even a smartphone.  And he's not even registered for Sunday's walk...

Breaking News: Marty Prehn Combs Hair!

Good day to all you loyal readers of CoM. This is a big day for me as I'm posting my first official report on Marty Prehn. I have been blessed with the good fortune of Marty's great City Council address coinciding with my first writing. It's was an appearance that is very report worthy. 

While studying Mr Cookout's work the last couple of months, I've noticed his style of posting Marty's comments was a very effective way to point out the lies of Mr Prehn. I will use this technique on today's report. 

During the build up to Marty's latest "State of the Mongoose" address, he must have become aware that his friends only Facebook posts were not reaching his target audience. He began commenting on this blog to make sure his threat targets were fully aware of their impending doom. As I'm sure everyone is now familiar with the comments, I'll only be highlighting important lines from them. Here is part of a comment Marty blessed everyone with several days ago:

"See you again real soon and I will be revealing who you are at the next SCS City Council meeting and posting your photo on their webpage to warn SCS resident's what cyber stalker's look like."

Of course no photo was ever posted on that web page. Marty's flip phone is unable to post photos anywhere and I guess his regular Mongeese were unable or unwilling to help him this week. But no worries, for the fear monger that Marty is could still announce to the city the identities of his "cyberstalkers". He even gave them a final warning on this blog the day of his great speech:

AnonymousSeptember 15, 2014 at 10:29 AM
"Tonight LW, SDF, RRNH and the Italian Stallion will be exposed as cyber stalkers."

As is the case with all of Marty's devious plots to spite everyone he is mad at, things didn't go as planned. Anytime Marty manages to get in front of a camera, his Elder Avenger instincts take over and he immediately has to focus on the greatness of Marty Prehn. He begins by explaining why he was wearing a shirt that is about 4 sizes too small and shows WAY too much of his enormous man boobs. If a female were to walk into the council chambers dressed like he was, she would have been arrested for indecent exposure. If you're going to wear a shirt like that, I have two words for you Marty: SPORTS BRA!  Maybe even throw that ratty sport coat of yours on.

Marty continues his address by doing what he does best, dropping every name he can remember from the event. Unfortunately, Marty must have been distracted by certain audience members that I'll mention later. He was only able to remember a few of the people who were there. Several family members of the woman the walk was named after that he had managed to write down. Marty was so flustered that the only local media member he could name was his supposed best friend Jamie Cook, who didn't bother to mention Marty in his newspaper article about the event. 

Next, Marty moves on to his upcoming Robin Williams/suicide prevention event this weekend. Someone must have provided Marty with a cease and desist notice because this week, there was no mention of his sponsorship of the event or his renaming it to "Operation Patch Adams". This left Marty time to focus on his own imaginary two day event - Nautical Smile - an event Marty sought council approval for a couple of weeks ago, but no one even paid attention to. Marty claims he is now working with Walmart to procure some smiley face buttons like the ones their employees wear for this festival. Maybe one of the Walmart gift cards donated to his legal defense fund can be used for this? They obviously weren't useful in hiring an attorney to put his sisters and brothers behind bars. Nor did they keep his drug dealing kid out of the Hackel Hotel (common term used by Detroit area locals to describe the county jail) for an extended stay.

This brings us to the part we've all really been waiting for. None of us really watched last night for his update on his good works. Everyone wanted to see his follow up to comments like this one:

"There also seems to have been a lot of activity at the house on 10 Mile where zoning enforcement officers were taking photos of a black car that was on display with a FOR SALE sign in a residential area and a drone was used to videotape the excessive clutter in the back yard of this home."

These issues actually pertain to the city council so Marty was at the proper venue to bring them up. He quotes a city ordinance and points out that the people he is complaining about are present in the audience. He names Guy Moceri and Robin Williams as the code violators with a car for sale in their driveway. What Marty didn't seem to notice was Robin was now standing behind him waiting to be the next speaker. 

At this point, Marty attempts to move on to the main event on his fight card: It was time for Marty's big cyber stalker exposure! The only problem was Marty had wasted so much time touting all of his great works, he didn't leave himself enough time for exposing all the criminals. All Marty was able to get out was that three stalkers had been identified and he had spoken to a prosecutor about them. The time buzzer went off before he could actually get any names out to expose them. As if this wasn't embarrassment enough, the worst was yet to come. The Fireworks were truly about to start!

As Marty returned to his seat, I'm sure the ass pucker factor for him went off the charts as he saw Robin step to the podium. What could she possibly have to say that might reflect negatively on the man who regularly addresses the council? What could a novice at public speaking say to dispute what Marty says? What Marty didn't realize was it was his own words that would be used, not hers. Why didn't Marty make good on his constant threat to serve a Protection Order on her and Guy right then and there?

Robin begins by questioning why she is being targeted for selling a personal vehicle at her home. Marty failed to realize the vehicle being sold was registered to a family member so therefor it is perfectly legal for it to be sold at the home. But what came next was the best. Robin read to the council Marty's own comment listed above. She questions why the city is flying a drone over her house and if they had FAA approval to do so. The council immediately reassured her there were no drone flights and they don't have a drone to do that with. Robin again points out that Marty is posting online that they did this because of his complaints. After several sideways looks at Marty taking up two chairs right in front of them, they again reassure Robin that Marty was lying and it didn't happen. This was said while several council members can be heard trying to suppress their laughter at Marty's claim. 

So, to sum up Marty's latest appearance at the council meeting I'll just say this: It was a failure of Mongoose proportions and as you could see by that shirt, that's HUGE! Instead of Marty exposing all of his criminal cyber stalkers, a small and unassuming female tax paying resident of the community who is actually a victim of Marty's bullshit wrath confirmed - on camera - what the council members already knew but were too polite to put on record: The Fat Guy is a Lying Idiot! 

Do I have a great new job or what?

Long live Marty. Long live the Chronicle!

Ed. Note: Due to the outpouring of support, Spamanon's comment suspension will be lifted. People seem to believe his comments add a lot to this blog and apparently Marty listens to him as well. After he was urged to by Spamanon, Marty finally dragged a comb through that greasy mop on his head. Maybe Spam could do us the favor of giving Marty some fashion tips because what we saw at the council meeting cannot be unseen!

CoM Changes. Marty's Underwear Does Not

Dear Readers;

My name is John Tuttle. As the new editor of the Chronicles of Marty, I am very excited to work with all of you loyal readers as we, together, continue to follow the madcap adventures of Marty Prehn. 

The purchase and transfer of ownership of this blog has finally been completed. The details of this transaction will not be posted here but will be available in our quarterly report to shareholders and the SEC. Negotiations were some of the most intricate, if not bizarre, I've ever been a witness to. I've never seen a pair of flip flops and two cases of Malibu rum included in a sales price, but Mr Cookout drove a hard bargain and sorta scribbled his name on the closing papers. Our attorney said it's legal, so RCIII is out and I'm in. We wish him the best in his future endeavors.

As the new editor of this blog, I'd like to assure you that the high journalistic standards of the previous staff will be upheld. My company purchased this blog because of the high readership and active involvement of all of you CoMmies, so there will be no major immediate changes. Rest assured, the mission and vision of RCIII will remain the driving force behind this blog's future activities and he is on an active consulting retainer. The trick will be to get him to answer the phone.

With new ownership there will also be some new behind the scenes activities. For example, we have a crack research team at our disposal, not the drunken paralegal used by the previous owner. Our team is dedicated to researching all facets of our stories and the players involved. The last two months have obviously been dedicated to confirming sources and documents pertaining to Marty.

Our investigation unfortunately didn't reveal much new information. Other than several creditors, property tax collectors and most of the restaurants in the metro Detroit area, not many people care about Mr Prehn. We've checked all of the "Mongoose's" (why anyone would name themselves after a rodent is beyond me) affiliations with various three letter agencies and, other than a few old warrants for his son, found no connections. All that our team found were Mr Prehn's many hollow threats of arrest, imprisonment, PPO's to be served, mythical fireworks that are forthcoming and fantasies of some surveillance tapes of an innocent woman in Texas masturbating with various stuffed animals.

Our corporate team is also very aware of Mr Prehn's threats towards this blog and the previous owner. Marty seems to be very confused about the identity of the writer of this blog. Our team identified more than ten people Marty confirmed were the writer, including having their IP addresses. With the well known fact that Mr Prehn frequents this blog, we have drafted a statement to Marty addressing his threats:

"Dear Mr Prehn

In response to your various legal threats aimed at this blog and it's contributors, our official comment is as follows:

NANA NANA BOO BOO!

See you at the courthouse vending machines. 

Thanks and best regards,

Chronicles of Marty"

I'll close with a word about Mr Cookout. He expressed great regret that he was leaving all of you loyal CoMmies. He was fond of all of you and wanted everyone to know how much he appreciated your support. RCIII felt the time was right to move on to his next great crusade in his life. It's rumored that Bob was either returning to his job as a writer for "Stars and Stripes" or becoming a drunken degenerate on a beach in the Virgin Islands. Based on his last sighting, probably the latter. Mr Cookout was spotted in Slapshotz Bar and Grill at DTW, sitting at a window flipping the bird in the general direction of Saint Clair Shores with one hand while waving some cheap statue with the other. The last words he spoke before boarding his flight:

"Screw you Marty, you're just as clueless now as you've been your entire miserable life."

Sincerely,

Johnathon Tuttle
Editor and Chief Antagonizer
Chronicles of Marty

Marty's Media Machinations

Gentle readers:

Have you ever looked forward to a nice relaxing weekend?  We here at the Chronicle were.  Unfortunately, our research team had to clock a lot of overtime hours just keeping track of Marty's online persona.  Like Teddy Ruxpin on a car battery, the Mongoose just wouldn't shut up!

Marty decided he had gone long enough without a good rant for all of his loyal followers (all three of them). Over a two day span, Marty left Mongoose droppings all over the World Wide Web.

As I'm sure you know, we couldn't possibly cover all of his spew in one article. He left a comment on his hero Big Vexi's Facebook page stating he had once again identified me. He left a similar comment on this very blog. Marty still hasn't found a way to limit his paragraphs to one topic yet so half way through, his rant changes to an entirely different subject. The first half is spew about my latest identity, the second is another attack on Guy and Robin. We all know that Marty Prehn has the attention span of a gnat, but his is sounding more like good old fashioned schizophrenia everyday.

After this great revelation from the idiot, he goes on a commenting frenzy. Here is a fun one:

Marty Prehn
"Watch the news from WDIV tonight after the football game. Looks like Marty the Mongoose was on the loose in Eastpointe and covered some of the storm damage. Next will be the news coverage of the domestic violence that was done against me and those involved at a car repair shop who do not pay any taxes. Looks like thewy are going to be in trouble just like I predicted they would be. They wanted some fireworks and they are sure going to get them."

I'm trying to figure out when "Marty the Mongoose" became a reporter. He says he was "out covering storm damage". Has Marty suddenly started covering stories for a local TV station? Is his idea of covering a story really just driving around town looking for a news camera to try to jump in front of? I'm thinking it's probably the second scenario. I have to think he must be referring to his big interview he bragged about in his comment on this blog. It appears Marty's interview ended up getting his usual amount of air time - none.

I also hate to have to point out to Marty that it's a little late for news coverage of his domestic violence/battered wife case. If they weren't interested when it happened, or during the 20 minute trial/plea bargain hearing, I doubt they would be now. I also highly doubt they're interested in your false claims against Guy's business. I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for more of your imaginary fireworks. I just wish you'd find a new way to predict upcoming made up events. The firework analogy is getting really old.

Here is another pile of Mongoose crap I think is interesting:

Marty Prehn
"Get ready for the fireworks show that is about to take place in Eastpointe, St. Clair Shores and Warren.
Like ·
Marty Prehn
It was a very interesting Friday night and a target rich environment of state legislators, state Senators, US Congressman and US Senators all who I consider personal friends and business acquaintances."

There he goes with more of his imaginary fireworks. What is it with this moron and the fireworks? Maybe Marty should start carrying around some sparklers or firecrackers. Those are the only fireworks that idiot will ever be able to provide.

The hilarious part of this comment is the second part. "Target rich environment" of elected officials? How are they targets exactly? Does he mean targets for photobomb opportunities or TV camera intercepts? And he considers these targets his personal friends or business acquaintances? How many congressmen or state legislators does he deliver auto parts to? I bet "Marty who?" was heard many times wherever this event was held. Not one of those people would ever consider being any form of friends with you, other than on Facebook of course, and that's usually handled by a staffer, you idiot.

As I sift through all of the various comments Marty left over his two day frenzy, and notice the length of this article, I'm forced to skip to what I feel is an important development. The much anticipated event page for the Lakeview class of 74 reunion gathering for homecoming has been created:

"About
Join this event page and let's plan this event to coincide with the Friday October 10th Homecoming football game. E-mail me atmprehn2004@yahoo.comor call me at1 586 563 0989to add input and ideas.
Posts
Marty Prehn changed the location to Andiamo Celebrity Show room with a half off price on dinner.
Sat ·
LikeCommentGet Notificatition

Marty Prehn changed the location to Looking to get a price of $50.00 for 2 with a $25.00 discount for their 25th anniversary so the meal would in fact be $12.50 per person.
Sat ·
LikeCommentGet Notification"

I don't know where the original location was, but it has already been changed. I'm sure it's just a coincidence that it's now at the Andiamo Celebrity Show Room, the location where his late friend Joan Rivers was scheduled to appear before her tragic passing.  I sure hope Andiamo's has their parking lot affairs in order or Marty's gonna open up another can of whoop ass!

Marty's fellow classmates should be grateful to him for using his considerable influence with any venue in the Detroit area to secure a big discount for this event. Dinner for two for only $25, in honor of the show room's 25th anniversary is a great deal. The only problem with this event, the place is already booked for that day. A simple online search reveals their scheduled events are posted and there is a wedding scheduled for that night at this venue. A CoM operative, in the interest of being thorough, placed a call to Andiamo's. According to them, the place is not available, there is no 25th anniversary $25 dinner for two, and of course when asked about the organizer, their response was a puzzled "MARTY WHO?". Be sure you get your money for this event to Marty ASAP because obviously seating is VERY LIMITED!

Marty, I wouldn't be counting on your little former schoolmates to send you their hard earned money in time for you to get your parents cottage off the foreclosure rolls.  Who are we kidding - you'd just blow it on Little Caesar's $5.00 pizzas anyway...

Marty Prehn Pontificates

It's another wonderful day here in the magical land of Marty. The Mongoose continues to supply us with his special brand of comic relief daily.

I am pleased to report to you the most recent bi-weekly address to the Saint Clair Shores city council.

Marty begins his latest Elder Dawg Good Works update with a classic Mongoose statement:

"My name is Marty Prehn and because of the fact I have several cyber stalkers, I prefer to not give out my address"

This opening sentence has a stupidity level that few people have ever managed to achieve. Isn't a "cyber stalker" someone who stalks people using the Internet? I would think Marty's address would be unimportant to someone who is stalking him online. Maybe Marty has decided to consider the many creditors that are looking for him regarding his unpaid debts are cyber stalkers. Everyone on the council knows where Marty lives anyway. By now, the repeated calls to code enforcement about the smell coming from Linda's apartment have alerted the entire city government to Marty's location. Bottom line, everyone knows where you've been squatting since the middle of February. It's no secret. 

Marty then proceeds to announce he's addressing the public, not just the council, through the city hall camera system. Now we know why he speaks at the meeting twice a month. He is feeding his great desire to be on TV. I don't think I've ever encountered a person as desperate to been seen on TV as Marty. I guess he thinks he's a star because he was on public access television. That must be why TMZ is so interested in his incredible life.  And I thought it was because of his snappy attire...

Marty's list of the great events he's planning starts with the Lakeview High Homecoming game. As always, Marty is hijacking an event on the Lakeview picnic site. We all know he has nothing to do with planning or organizing any of the events promoted on that Facebook page. I'll be on the lookout for Marty's request for PayPal donations to go towards stadium rental for the football game. Maybe some new helmets for the players, in the name of safety. I'm sure it'll be on his promised Facebook event page, provided he's not suspended again.

Next, Marty briefly covers a charity walk to be held September 13th to combat domestic violence. He drops the name of a woman who was brutally murdered and dismembered and whose family is sponsoring a charity walk in her name to bring awareness to domestic violence.  A wonderful tribute to this woman that Marty just can't help but soil by even mentioning it. He doesn't say he'll be participating in the walk though. As Marty himself is a survivor,  I'm surprised supporting his sisters who are also domestic violence victims isn't important enough for him to burn a few calories. Now if there was a breakfast buffet involved, it'd be a different story.  I take that back.  I'm not really surprised.

Finally Marty gets to the event everyone has been asking him for more details about. His great Robin Williams tribute weekend. Apparently, Marty's involvement has increased greatly since his last council appearance. Now, according to Marty, not only is he participating in the walk, he's also sponsoring it. Although this walk was scheduled prior to Robin Williams suicide, Marty has now renamed the event "Operation Patch Adams" to honor the late comedian.  It's also being held in an entirely different county so he's got two weeks to drum up gas money donations.  Good luck with all of that, Marty. The Mongoosmobile is on the fritz, anyway.  Maybe it's an omen to sit this one out.  Can't have anyone pose with your stupid statue this year, either!

I wonder how the event's original organizers feel about Marty taking over their charity walk after they did all the work? I'm sure they were happy to hand over the reins to someone with the star power of the Mongoose. I do wonder what happened to the other "Nautical Smile" events Marty had scheduled for the same weekend. I'm sure the City Council wondered too, but were afraid to ask, lest they show interest.  "Let's just hope he forgot that lie and gets the hell out of here!"

Marty finishes his State of the Mongoose Address with the Joan Rivers health situation. Somehow Marty makes a connection between her and Dr Chism. This gives him a reason to now claim he saved the good doctor in the nick of time -  before life support was removed and mere hours before a certain death!  I'm fairly sure it was a feeding tube the doctors were removing which lets a patient die peacefully in two or three weeks. I guess that doesn't imply immediate death so Marty had to change it for added drama. "Mongoose vs Grim Reaper: Point Marty!" Those pesky little details always trip up Marty when he gets on a lie-telling roll.

Marty mentions a few other things that give him the chance to point out he's a National Elder Advocate (whatever the hell that is) and works with the military, but we just can't cover all of his crap in one article. He closes with a prayer request for Joan Rivers as the time limit buzzer goes off and a collective sigh of relief is echoed in the council chambers.  

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANT:

"We really need to change those bylaws to keep this idiot from coming back again with this horseshit..."

Marty Prehn Rubs His Lamp

We here at CoM hope everyone enjoyed their holiday weekend. After a much needed break from the utter stupidity that is Marty Prehn, it's time for our coverage to continue.

Marty's Facebook suspension was set to expire September 1st. Unfortunately, that happened to be Labor Day, meaning the library was closed. Marty, having lost access to Linda's iPhone, had no place to release the rage I'm sure has been building for the last month. It's just too hard to produce a good hate filled threat fest from his crappy flip phone. Marty did let us know he was free to post again with this comment:

Marty Prehn
"I feel like the Genie from the movie Aladin and I have just been set FREE from Facebook prison. My cyber stalkers enjoy getting fb to block me from posting for 30 days at a time with no good reason and violate my 1st amendment right of FREE speech. To them I say Make 7 UP YOURS."
2 people like this

This comment comes as a great relief. Life was becoming quite mundane without the hilarious idiocy that Marty blessed us with almost daily. It's unbelievable how many times Marty's rights have been violated over the past few years. Time and again we see him claim his (insert number here) amendment right has been violated. Apparently our forefathers felt it was his right to slander and threaten anyone he chooses on a free social networking site. Facebook has no legal right to censor the lies and hate speech of Marty despite him agreeing to their terms of use. What the Mongoose fails to understand is that the last thing we want is him suspended from posting. His threats and lies are the meat and potatoes of this blog.  We realize that. Marty does not.

As you can see above, two people chose to like his comment. One of them tries to explain the various reasons why Facebook suspends people that are not "cyber stalker" related. This doesn't warrant a response from Marty because it doesn't fit with his civil rights being violated mantra. We then hear from the other person who liked his comment:

Carla Sauer-Iyer
"Take these uneducated doushebags to court and sue their ass Marty Prehn"

This short comment speaks volumes of the low intelligence needed to be an Elder Dawg supporter. What exactly is Marty supposed to sue us for? As anyone with more than two brain cells can easily see, all we do is point out the lies and stupidity of Marty. It's really that simple Carla. Everything we post is the truth and most of it is his own words. And in regards to us being "uneducated doushebags", when you're going to try to insult someone's intelligence, you might want to make sure you're smart enough to correctly spell your insult. Got that, DOUCHE BAG?

Carla's little moronic comment couldn't help but provoke some further Mongoose droppings in response:

Marty Prehn
"Carla you forgot rednecked with horse teeth and a horses big ass to match. Did you know that the father of Robin Williams also commited suicide? There is much irony in the death of Robin Williams."

Again we see Marty making fun of someone's looks. Obviously Marty hasn't seen himself in a full length mirror, or any other mirror, in quite some time. How that morbidly obese idiot can make fun of anyone's looks is amazing, I tell you what...

The seemingly unrelated topic change in that comment did catch my attention. Is this the beginning of the hype for his Robin Williams tribute weekend? Has the time for working his followers over for donations to support this great event arrived? Did his Facebook suspension end just in time for his great fundraising scheme to start? We'll keep everyone apprised of this and other breaking news, so check back often.

Here's a teaser for you CoMmie pinkos: Why hasn't Marty been seen at the library lately? More interesting is why hasn't Linda's iPhone made an appearance on the blog at 4:00am in weeks? This and more will be revealed shortly, but feel free to speculate in the comments below. 

Winner who correctly guesses will receive one of our brand new Chronicles of Marty T-shirts!