Marty Prehn's Fall TV Lineup

Maybe you don’t have cable. Maybe you do, but you only watch network-TV shows. Or maybe you’re just searching for a handy resource to set your DVR. Whatever the case may be, enjoy our compendium of every Marty Prehn show airing on television this fall.

Print out this handy guide and keep it close to your TV. Don't miss out on any opportunity to see our favorite idiot in action!

Monday nights are one of the most important in Marty's "must see" TV line up. The first and third Monday of each month are the Saint Clair Shores City Council meetings. By now it should be obvious that every TV in the metro Detroit area is tuned in for the bi-weekly State of the Mongoose address. This is when everyone gets both a recap of the last two weeks of Marty greatness but also a preview of what lies - I mean events - Elder Dawg has coming. On the Mondays when there is no council meeting, catch Marty on Fox2Detroit as a regular on "Let it Rip" as he joins his close personal friend Huel Perkins to discuss his greatness.

Tuesday nights will feature Marty's new variety show. Robin Williams was the original co-host but now that he's assumed room temperature, Marty's unemployed good friend Jay Leno has agreed to join the show. Rumor has it that his friends Bob Seger, Amy Lee and Kenny Chesney will be leading the house band. Bette Midler and Debby Boone might just stop by, so don't miss it! In fact, this show will feature different friends of Marty's from all walks of the entertainment industry, as well as various politicians and heads of state. The list of possible guest is too long to list here but, based on Marty's Hollywood connections, this show will put Kimmel, Letterman and Fallon to shame. One of the recurring skits will be Stupid Marty Tricks. You won't want to miss this, folks. "Watch me lie out of both sides of my enormous ass!" Don't miss his "Dwarf Bowling with Jamie Victory" sketch, either.

On Wednesday Marty will be pulling a double shift. MTM (Marty the Mongoose) productions couldn't let a week go by without having Marty on a daytime talk show. Marty will be teaming up with his gal-pal Ellen for this daytime magic. This show will cover current events in Marty's life with a focus on his good works. Each week Marty will present his case for why Ellen should buy him a house, car, clothes and such. The ceiling of the studio will be lined with tin foil to protect Marty from lightning strikes. You know, because God will not be mocked and all...

Marty will also have a prime time Wednesday night production because America needs the Mongoose five nights a week. This show will be another fundraiser for Marty's biggest charity: himself. Each week Marty will highlight his latest money making scam. This week will feature his Lakeview Reunion Dinner. The location for this event has been changed once again but Marty figured out he shouldn't reveal it. If he doesn't say where it is, people can't call and find out it's all another lie.

Thursday nights will be dedicated to Marty's various federal crime fighting operations. This show will be called "The Stalkout Stakeout". John Walsh will join Marty as they expose the worst code violators in Saint Clair Shores. Covert stakeouts, "quad copter" flyovers conducted by real estate agents, and voice recognition of Facebook posts will be just a few of the techniques used by the "Code Violation Avenger". This America's Most Wanted type show will feature a different criminal each week. His former landlord will be featured on the first show, followed by an old lady with sixteen cats who refused his sexual advances. Programing Note: May not be suitable for younger viewers or those offended by watching XXX " masturbate to multiple orgasms".

Next comes the biggest night for MTM productions. Marty will completely take over prime time with a three hour extravaganza! Friday night will be:

"Marty's Elder Abuse/Human Trafficking/Cyber Stalking/Deed Restriction/Veterans/POW/Domestic Violence/Suicide Prevention/Good Works Telethon!"

This show will have a different co-host each week. So far, Grizzly Adams, Betty White, Doris Roberts, Paula Dean, and Sarah Palin have already been signed up. When you include every television news anchor that's appeared on Detroit TV the last ten years, the list of co-hosts is unbelievable. This show will highlight all of the above mentioned atrocities and show viewers how they can help Marty end them: DONATIONS! The catering and lotion cost have skyrocketed at the MTM production studio at apartment #6 at the Saint Clair Apartments, so everyone needs to contribute. All of Marty's good works aren't possible without people like you.

So make some popcorn. Gather up the kids, friends and any elderly veterans you may know and get your PayPal accounts ready for the new MartyTV lineup. If successful, plans are "in the works" for a 24/7 cable channel - All Marty/All the Time!

An Overworked Eric Holder Calls It Quits

Claims He Can't Keep Up With Prehn Caseload

Zdravstvujtye, CoMmies! 

It's now been a week since the beginning of Marty's great weekend of good works. Nautical Smile was scheduled to kick of the festivities last Friday night. Operation Patch Adams was going to be the big closing event (fireworks?). All the local stations plus the national media were going to be lined up to interview the person responsible for this incredible weekend tribute to Robin Williams - none other than the Elder Avenger himself, Marty Prehn.

After searching all week, our research department was unable to find a single video clip, newspaper article or flip phone picture of any Marty's moments of greatness. How could all of the media that was present not make Marty their lead story on the weekend news or on Sunday's front page? Where was TMZ? Didn't anyone get Marty's numerous emails or voicemail messages pointing out their chance to interview the greatest Michigan resident since Henry Ford? Marty couldn't even provide coverage of his own greatness on his Facebook page. Perhaps Walmart was unable to meet the demand for all the smiley face buttons that he proudly boasted to SCS City Council he was in the process of procuring. Or maybe he simply couldn't bum gas money from Linda.

All of Marty's planning and preparation for the tribute has caused a problem that I'm afraid he didn't see coming. Marty had been neglecting his true calling - investigating and prosecuting all of the numerous federal crimes committed against him. With the announced departure of Marty's "business associate" Eric Holder at the DOJ, these investigations have been hampered even further. Let's review a few of them to see if we can remind Marty that these criminals will get away with their crimes if he doesn't get busy.

When I began going through the pile of research the previous editor of this blog left behind, I kept seeing updates from Marty about a federal crime that he was the victim of. RC3 sufficiently covered his murderous, mom-kidnappin', arsonistic, embezzling sister -  who should be about 1/3 of the way through her 20 year stint in the federal pen - so we'll move down the list a bit to his illegal retaliation eviction at the hands of Guy and Robin. I saw numerous rants spread over several months about this heinous act. Marty claimed that although his rent was paid in full, the locks were illegally changed and proper notice wasn't served informing him that he wasn't invited back. Imminent arrest for these crimes was predicted several times by the Special Agent. I believe every time Marty went to court as a battered wife, this crime was to be addressed and the perpetrators were to leave the courthouse in handcuffs. Suddenly, we have stopped hearing about Marty's progress in getting justice against these criminals. Has this investigation been put on the back burner because of the sudden passing of Marty's dear friend, comedian Robin Williams? Will Guy still be deported and his fiancé be picked up for her mental evaluation?

A spin off investigation related to these crimes was also started by the Mongoose. All of the people involved in the theft of his intellectual properties, like his bottle of lotion and the infamous MVZ masturbation tapes, would soon be brought to justice. His standard 20 years in federal prison was the sentence Marty kept threatening. This investigation was being conducted by Marty the FBI Agent. Not to be confused with Marty from the DOJ or the Secret Service. I can only assume this investigation has been delayed because Marty the CIA Agent realized all of his critical international documents in locked briefcases were compromised. This would cause the investigation to be transferred from the FBI to the CIA. Although Marty is the Agent in charge of this for both agencies, finding the gas money to transport the files from one library office to the other apparently became problematic.

Another crime we haven't seen an update on are the postal crimes committed by Robert Cookout. The Postmaster General was informed of these crimes by Marty several months ago. He and his sidekick Flo had nabbed "Booby" in a Facebook sting! The posting of Flo's letter explaining to Marty that he was bleeding her dry was the act that sealed Cookout's fate. Have we not heard anymore about this crime because the shadowy master criminal Mr Cookout fled the county? Is Marty the Postal Police Agent busy working on the extradition of Bob or is the USPS handling that now? Maybe he's hired his "good friend" Dog the Bounty Hunter to retrieve this felonious absconder. I'm sure we'll get an update on that case soon. 

These are just a few of the open investigations Marty has been leading. Due to bandwidth restrictions, we can't report on Marty's war on cyberstalkers that he continues to reference revenge porn laws when addressing the cases. Nor his ongoing prosecution of Flemshady that is based on a letter from the police stating that no crimes were committed by said goofball.

Has the Mongoose finally spread himself too thin? Other than the underwear he stole from JC Penney 20 years ago and continues to wear today, is it even possible for any mention of Marty to include the word "thin"? Has Marty's preoccupation with producing star filled events and TV shows forced him to push his crime fighting activities to the side? Stay tuned for more updates as I'm sure now that we've reminded Marty about these lies - I mean investigations - more news will be coming soon.

Keep the craziness going, Marty. I'm up for my 30 day performance review soon...