It's another wonderful day here in the magical land of Marty. The Mongoose continues to supply us with his special brand of comic relief daily.
I am pleased to report to you the most recent bi-weekly address to the Saint Clair Shores city council.
Marty begins his latest Elder Dawg Good Works update with a classic Mongoose statement:
"My name is Marty Prehn and because of the fact I have several cyber stalkers, I prefer to not give out my address"
This opening sentence has a stupidity level that few people have ever managed to achieve. Isn't a "cyber stalker" someone who stalks people using the Internet? I would think Marty's address would be unimportant to someone who is stalking him online. Maybe Marty has decided to consider the many creditors that are looking for him regarding his unpaid debts are cyber stalkers. Everyone on the council knows where Marty lives anyway. By now, the repeated calls to code enforcement about the smell coming from Linda's apartment have alerted the entire city government to Marty's location. Bottom line, everyone knows where you've been squatting since the middle of February. It's no secret.
Marty then proceeds to announce he's addressing the public, not just the council, through the city hall camera system. Now we know why he speaks at the meeting twice a month. He is feeding his great desire to be on TV. I don't think I've ever encountered a person as desperate to been seen on TV as Marty. I guess he thinks he's a star because he was on public access television. That must be why TMZ is so interested in his incredible life. And I thought it was because of his snappy attire...
Marty's list of the great events he's planning starts with the Lakeview High Homecoming game. As always, Marty is hijacking an event on the Lakeview picnic site. We all know he has nothing to do with planning or organizing any of the events promoted on that Facebook page. I'll be on the lookout for Marty's request for PayPal donations to go towards stadium rental for the football game. Maybe some new helmets for the players, in the name of safety. I'm sure it'll be on his promised Facebook event page, provided he's not suspended again.
Next, Marty briefly covers a charity walk to be held September 13th to combat domestic violence. He drops the name of a woman who was brutally murdered and dismembered and whose family is sponsoring a charity walk in her name to bring awareness to domestic violence. A wonderful tribute to this woman that Marty just can't help but soil by even mentioning it. He doesn't say he'll be participating in the walk though. As Marty himself is a survivor, I'm surprised supporting his sisters who are also domestic violence victims isn't important enough for him to burn a few calories. Now if there was a breakfast buffet involved, it'd be a different story. I take that back. I'm not really surprised.
Finally Marty gets to the event everyone has been asking him for more details about. His great Robin Williams tribute weekend. Apparently, Marty's involvement has increased greatly since his last council appearance. Now, according to Marty, not only is he participating in the walk, he's also sponsoring it. Although this walk was scheduled prior to Robin Williams suicide, Marty has now renamed the event "Operation Patch Adams" to honor the late comedian. It's also being held in an entirely different county so he's got two weeks to drum up gas money donations. Good luck with all of that, Marty. The Mongoosmobile is on the fritz, anyway. Maybe it's an omen to sit this one out. Can't have anyone pose with your stupid statue this year, either!
I wonder how the event's original organizers feel about Marty taking over their charity walk after they did all the work? I'm sure they were happy to hand over the reins to someone with the star power of the Mongoose. I do wonder what happened to the other "Nautical Smile" events Marty had scheduled for the same weekend. I'm sure the City Council wondered too, but were afraid to ask, lest they show interest. "Let's just hope he forgot that lie and gets the hell out of here!"
Marty finishes his State of the Mongoose Address with the Joan Rivers health situation. Somehow Marty makes a connection between her and Dr Chism. This gives him a reason to now claim he saved the good doctor in the nick of time - before life support was removed and mere hours before a certain death! I'm fairly sure it was a feeding tube the doctors were removing which lets a patient die peacefully in two or three weeks. I guess that doesn't imply immediate death so Marty had to change it for added drama. "Mongoose vs Grim Reaper: Point Marty!" Those pesky little details always trip up Marty when he gets on a lie-telling roll.
Marty mentions a few other things that give him the chance to point out he's a National Elder Advocate (whatever the hell that is) and works with the military, but we just can't cover all of his crap in one article. He closes with a prayer request for Joan Rivers as the time limit buzzer goes off and a collective sigh of relief is echoed in the council chambers.
CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANT:
"We really need to change those bylaws to keep this idiot from coming back again with this horseshit..."
