The Secret Double Life of Agent Prehn

Welcome back loyal readers, and a special shout out to the new readers that responded to our handouts at Camp Patriot!

While watching TV a few days ago, I saw a commercial that made me think of Marty Prehn. I know I shouldn't bring my work home with me, but it happened. In the commercial there is a famous person featured comparing himself to another version of himself. This is so true to life for the Moronic Mongoose. There are actually two versions of Marty: Facebook Marty and real life Marty. Today, I'll juxtapose the differences between the two.

In Marty's fantasy life on Facebook, he is a superhero. Marty has given himself a couple of superhero names that he uses like he came straight out of a comic book. The Elder Avenger or Elder D.A.W.G. are the two most used. Marty once claimed an auto company was going to supply him with a tricked out car, similar to the Batmobile, to drive around the country performing his "good works". There was even a time recently where Marty posted a picture of the Batmobile and added the comment "Elder Avenger?" to it. His superhero personas are constantly coming to the rescue or promising to right some injustice.

Unfortunately for Marty, his real life is nothing like that of a superhero. He drives a POS SUV that's constantly in danger of breaking down every time it's used. The Mongoose is so broke, he can't afford a superhero costume either. You won't be seeing the Elder Avenger running around Detroit wearing a cape and tights. That is unless he ties his one stained sheet around his neck and stole some of Linda's XXXL pantyhose. Then he'd still have to steal spare change just to put gas in the Mongoosemobile. Regardless, it'll still be same old Marty waddling around in his thrift store jeans and shirt that is way too small. On a good day, you might catch him in that same ratty sports coat and sweat soaked shirt. And, of course, his Walmart "Special Agent" hat. I won't even mention how hard it is to be a superhero when the location of your secret lair changes according to who will let you flop on their couch or living room floor.

The left is Marty's Facebook bedroom, actual is on the right...

Facebook Marty is also a mover/shaker in the entertainment industry. He's friends with any Hollywood star that is in the news. He's worked as a voice coach for Sly Stallone in the Rocky movies. Marty is also a screen writer, having written a movie script for the Lifetime or Hallmark channels - I was never sure which because it changed by the day. He was also to star in his movie. There was another script supposedly floating around where Marty was a prize fighter. All of this makes Marty a sought out guest on daytime talk shows. He's announced several times he'll soon be appearing with whoever he's currently lying to on Ellen, Dr Phil and so on. Same story with the late night shows, including Leno, Letterman and Fallon. Marty's original production company, MTM Productions, was even producing a TV show similar to America's Most Wanted and Marty proclaimed "Hollywood here I come".

Of course, real life is much different for the complete idiot. We've all seen his pathetic Facebook messages begging Ellen and Dr Phil to have him on their shows. The moron showed up at fundraisers where celebrities were appearing, carrying his own version of an Oscar (dumpster-bound souvenir statue) trying to get in a picture with them. Marty posted a picture several months ago of him with his "close personal friend" Dan (Grizzly Adams) Haggerty. With the announcement a few days ago that Griz has cancer, Marty posted a couple of other pictures he took that day. They were taken while he was standing in an autograph line. Why would Marty need to stand in line for an autograph from a close friend? Why not get the autograph the next time you're "hanging out" with him. Of course, he recalled personal, intimate stories the two had shared and spoke of him in the past sense, as if he's already dead. Idiot. If and when Haggerty passes, Marty will likely learn from reading this blog 25 times a day.

Another part of Marty's Facebook life he's really proud of is his political power. He's friends with more elected officials than I have the bandwidth to list here. The Mongoose is constantly instructing the Michigan legislature to pass laws, have senators intervene on other's behalf, heading up national tasks forces, going to Washington D.C. to twist arms. Lunch with Sarah Palin, the Governor coming to Saint Clair Shores to meet with him. Pete Lucido setting up an office in Marty's inherited lake cottage. The political clout this man has is incredible. A real powerhouse, that delivery boy is.

Of course, reality is again a slap in the face to Marty. His continued crying for laws to protect the lying idiot from "cyber stalkers" go unanswered. His non stop emails to the Michigan AG go straight into the spam folder. He's never gotten close enough to Sarah Palin to get her picture. He was recently slapped down by the mayor of Eastpoint over his cruise hijack attempts. He's even been banned from speaking at the SCS city council meetings. You'd think the mayors and councils of these local cities would fear offending someone with the ability to get them voted out of office the next election. Well, they do, but that just isn't Marty. He's considered the village idiot in both of those cities, plus several others I'm sure. How's the love coming from Berkley these days, Marty?

No article about the incredible Facebook life Marty leads would be complete without covering Marty's many associations with government and law enforcement agencies. Marty works for the FBI, CIA, Secret Service, DOJ, Michigan State Police, and various sheriff's departments, just to name a few. His

original self-given nickname, Mongoose, was his code name while guarding the life of candidate Reagan and continued when working deep undercover for the CIA many years ago. He's a Secret Agent, Undercover Agent, informant, Special Agent and so on and so on. It was only a few months ago that Marty was riding in the protection detail for the President's visit to Michigan. Marty is even ranked high enough in the Michigan State Police that he personally arraigned for his friend Carla to have a police escort from the airport to the Oakland County courthouse so she could file an affidavit and make it back in time for her connecting flight. That can't be a small undertaking. The Mongoose was the agent in charge of the hidden camera bedroom surveillance of a woman in Texas that he claimed he was going to personally slap the cuffs on. You have to be a really high ranking member of the FBI to have multi-state agent in charge status, I would think. Marty is continuously having people investigated by all of the agencies listed above. As he's bragged, he has put many people behind bars himself!

Back to reality you poor, hapless imbecile. The only agency you've ever been in genuine communication with hands out the food stamps. Law enforcement and government agencies go to great lengths to keep their agents and informants secret. Those informants and agents don't brag about it on Facebook, you moron. You've never worked for any agency or sheriff. You've never instigated an investigation or worked undercover. You're a part-time auto parts delivery boy. You claim to be a law enforcement agent, yet you pissed yourself and ran away when "scarecrow" Dave Wilson threatened to kick your ass. Facebook badass, real life coward. None of the charges you've claimed your enemies were being arrested for have ever come true. No agency has ever investigated anything you claimed they were. Nothing more than empty threats and complete lies. Story of your real life, dumb ass.

Marty's Facebook life is so incredible, I just can't cover it all in one article. I haven't even mentioned all of Marty's advocacy claims or his great influence on the local and national media. Nor can I cover his day spent planning the reunification of Germany with the the Gipper or his recently revealed marching with MLK the day before his assassination. If only Marty had stayed a little longer, Dr King might still be alive today. There is only so much time in the day to cover Marty's lies and as usual, he has greatly exceeded my daily limit.

A man with such an incredible life should be getting hailed and celebrated. He should be living comfortably in retirement while writing his memoirs, not delivering auto parts and squatting in a dump where the house next door had to be burned down because of the infestation problems. His government retirement benefits should include medical coverage to pay for his pacemaker or heart transplant - whichever the latest GoFundMe scam page claims. How sad is it that this incredible American has to depend on the charity/pity of an over ninety year old senile lady to be able to feed himself Big Macs and pay his cell phone bill? 

Wake up, America. Support your local idiot!