Marty Prehn is Stuffed with Total Crap

The holidays are a time to visit with family and see old friends.  Here at our secret underground headquarters, miles beneath the earth's crust, we were somewhat shocked to see a former employee's retina scan still worked on our biometric locks. Then again, he probably remembered that we typically leave a key under the mat, so in staggers Bob.

After bitching about his monthly direct deposit and being forced onto Obamacare, I decided to let him sleep it off in my office while I went to a meeting. He must have hacked someone's password and took control of our servers again, so without further explanation or discussion of the vomit smell in the break room, here's your old friend RC3...

~~~~~
Happy Thanksgiving, you despicable CoMmies!

I recently returned to the states for a brief visit. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and I wouldn't consider not spending it with my family. Unlike Marty, I have family that loves me and enjoys my company during the holidays and I'd never let them down. I also needed to restock my sunscreen supply and see my dermatologist about a nasty reaction to latex on my privates

I feel I owe my old loyal readers an explanation about my abrupt departure. With the mounting pressure from Marty's numerous investigations into my various crimes, I began to worry. If you were to add up all the crimes Marty found me guilty of, combined with the various federal prison sentences I was set to receive for said crimes, my nerves were shot. I was becoming paranoid and had begun drinking pretty heavily (thanks, Marty, for giving me something to blame that on - wink, wink). In the words of my "good friend" Kenny Rodgers, you've got to know when to fold them.

When the opportunity to cash in on CoM and essentially disappear presented itself, I just couldn't resist. I now had the chance to hide from the ever present investigative mastermind, Marty "The Mongoose" Prehn. His investigations had brought down much more sinister criminals and I felt like a sitting duck. I chose to escape to a country with no extradition treaty with the U.S. I still have to live with the constant fear that at any moment, Mongoose Team 6 will wade ashore and take me by force. I've accepted that as the price to be paid for cyberstalking the greatest man to ever live.

Of course, if you believe any of that load of crap, I know a great charity you can donate to for the holidays. OPA!

Truth of the matter is, I just got bored with Marty. Empty threat after empty threat. Famous friend here, great fundraising event there. I could only report on so many bullshit stories before I became jaded with humanity. I suspect Marty has that effect on just about everyone he encounters. I'm not proud of it but I'm man enough to admit, I took the money and ran like Marty to a free funeral buffet. I just failed to realize how much I'd miss my partners in crime.

I've got to wrap this up, as there is a door buster at Duke's Party Store that I can't afford to miss. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'd like to thank everyone who helped make CoM a huge success - and me a rich retiree! Without you, I never could have sold out and ran for the border. Without offending anyone that fought Marty with me, there are a couple of people I need to thank by name. First there is Marlene. Nobody suffered more from Marty than she did, yet she found the courage to stand up and fight back. She was the inspiration I needed to start this blog. The others I'll call out by name are Robin and Guy. I'm so thankful they saw through Marty's bullshit and decided enough was enough. There are many nameless individuals who took up the call to speak up against the Elder Dawg and I'll respect their wishes for anonymity. It doesn't diminish their contributions to the cause. So thanks again, my faithful CoMmies, keep fighting on. Mr Tuttle is more than capable enough to humiliate Marty so continue to support him. 'Til we meet again, good luck and Godspeed.

Robert Cookout III
~~~~~

Tuttle here again: Thanks, Bob. Now get out of here and try not to hit another car in the parking garage.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Marty Prehn Goes Up In Flames

As the days pass since the arrest of Marty's hero, Bill Windsor, it appears The Mongoose continues to burrow deeper underground. Are we witnessing the end of The Elder Avenger as we know him? Has fear of arrest finally stopped Marty's greatness? Has Linda neutered the Elder Dawg? She certainly doesn't let him play with her iPhone anymore. Shudder to think what else he's forbidden to play with. It would seem that all of these factors play a part in the disappearance of our beloved idiot.

As the calendar changed to October this year, Marty was riding high. Coming off his latest Facebook suspension, he went on a posting frenzy. He was so busy on Facebook, his excitement at posting even spilled over onto Linda's page. Who could forget his reposting of the word OPA over and over and over, never quite understanding how to post a Google search of OPA-related crap. October was setting up to be the "Month of the Mongoose". There were several charity walks Marty had done his best to hijack. His newly imagined charity, OPA/Nautical Smile was a great success in his feeble little mind. Bill Windsor had taken over threatening Marty's enemies with his frivolous Texas lawsuit. Marty was still announcing upcoming breaking news about different Robin Williams tributes and updates that, true to Marty form, never happened. In short, it was pretty much business as usual for the worthless fake advocate. Unfortunately, things would take a drastic turn for Marty at the end of his month of charity greatness.

On October 28th, Big Vexi was scheduled for his latest vexatious lie fest in his Texas lawsuit. With the Lawless Lemmings, including Marty, cheering him on, Windsor charged into court ready to tell any lie necessary to get his revenge on his "cyber stalkers". This was one day Marty should have predicted "fireworks" because there were several that day. An unmanned Antares rocket carrying NASA's Cygnus CRS Orb-3 resupply mission to the International Space Station explodes seconds after taking off from the Mid-Atlantic Regional Spaceport in Virginia. Oh, and Bill Windsor and Lawless America exploded, too. Now that, faithful readers, are some noteworthy fireworks!

Past behavior would dictate that Marty would be leading the charge to free this innocent man, what with all his contacts into the Texas Attorney General's office and all.  But no, the Mongoose is laying low this time.

Why, you may ask?  I'll tell you my theory.  Marty Prehn is a two-bit con man, too stupid to actually be successful at it. He aspired to attain the infamy of Bill Windsor, as Windsor had a few bucks to invest in his scams. All Marty really has is a fistful of business cards paid for by Florence Iverson. Coupled with borrowed internet access, Marty's tools of the trade are fairly limited. His silly hat intimidates no one. His fake friends still say "Marty who?". In fact, he can't add Facebook friends fast enough to keep up with the "unfriend" demand.

Marty Prehn's days of terrorizing family, former landlords and just about everyone he meets are numbered.

Marty Prehn: Advocate Without a Cause

As we continue our in depth coverage of the world's biggest idiot, today we'll do a basic review of Marty's many different advocacy adventures. After a quick glance, I already know we could never cover all of his great causes in one article. We'll touch on just a few of them today.

When reviewing Marty's advocacy, you have to start with Elder Abuse. This was the start of Marty's career as a fake advocate. While undergoing his internet hate campaign against his family after he was removed from the conductors seat on the gravy train, Marty discovered there were people who publicly battled elder abuse. Since Marty had neglected and financially abused his own mother, he was a natural fit for this group. It was an easy transition for the Mongoose. Just blame your siblings for what you were actually guilty of, get lucky that no one will bother to question your claims and you're in the club! It didn't take Marty long to figure out that being an advocate was the perfect cover for begging people to support you. Instead of mooching off his parents, he'd rely on total strangers to send him money based on his claims of helping others, aka "Good Works". We all know now that the only person Marty was helping was himself.

As the donations began arriving, Marty figured out he had found a great alternative to getting a job.  He then began to build up his fake credentials all over the Internet. Certified County Advocate, National Elder Advocate, National Task Force Coordinator and anything else he could dream up. But then the same thing that always happens to Marty started - the truth surfaced. Anytime anyone begins to pay attention to what Marty is saying, they figure out he is a liar. Soon, any of Marty's supporters with an ounce of intelligence figured out he was completely full of shit and distanced themselves from him. Groups stopped letting him post his lies on their sites as the donations dried up. It was time for Marty to find a new cause with victims who weren't familiar with him.

Since Marty's lies were exposed on the Internet, it only makes sense that his next cause would become "cyberstalking", not dissimilar to an abuser of an old lady becoming an elder advocate. "Hiding in plain sight", as it were.  Cyberstalking is a form of bullying, ergo, suddenly Marty is waging war on bullies and cyberstalkers. The only part Marty didn't consider is the fight against bullies is being fought by rich celebrities. They do public service spots and encourage kids to stop teasing each other. There are no networks set up to promote people sending donations. There just wasn't any money to be made on this cause. It didn't help that Marty was one of the biggest internet bullies anyone had ever seen. It didn't take long for Marty to figure out this cause wasn't going to pay his rent or Dimitri's tab. Time to find another cause to attempt to make a few bucks from. But what?

While watching the news, Marty stumbled onto another great advocacy idea. He saw a story of a restaurant in Berkley, MI about a restaurant that wanted to expand its parking into an adjacent neighborhood. Neighbors took issue and a challenge to the city government was being led by an elderly veteran. This issue would be right up Marty's alley. There were several factors involved that Marty felt he could take full advantage of. During his elder abuse scam, Marty had somehow managed to find Florence. This is still the crowning jewel of his advocacy career, as she became a monthly source of money. If he had managed to con this senior into that, why not try to add another? The fact that the man in Berkley was as old as Flo, on top of being a veteran, made him the ideal target for Marty. Marty's claims of being a veteran and an advocate for the elderly, combined with the news coverage of the issue, which we know Marty craves, were the perfect combination. Suddenly Marty started making the hour drive to another city's council meetings to speak on behalf of the residents. He was never asked to speak, claimed he was this man's guardian angel, and was now calling himself a "advocate for the public". All of that was just an attempt to get close to an old man he hoped to sign up as a regular donor. Unfortunately for Marty, this elder was still able to think and therefore able to sniff out Marty's bullshit story. He let Marty know he didn't need a guardian angel nor a public advocate. Sorry Marty, no money to be made here and the news crews didn't want to interview you or even put your name (that's P-R-E-H-N for members of the media) in their stories. Time to move on to the next great cause.

While looking through upcoming Macomb county events, Marty found yet another cause he could try to insert himself into. There was a charity walk scheduled in honor of a woman horrifically murdered by her husband. Marty had used his near death experience with a rolling office chair that had bumped into his leg as a way to get revenge on his roommate that discovered Marty had been stealing his change for gas money. Who better to join the crusade against domestic violence than a fellow victim. Marty began posting DV stories and linking anything he could to the DV cause. But as usual with Marty, it didn't take long for people to realize he was once again completely full of crap. Not to mention, not many people could connect a 6'3" 400lb man to a cause that is usually geared towards women who have been beaten by men half the size of Marty. Nobody was seeing his huge ass as a victim that would need their financial support. No donations translates to time for Marty to find yet another cause to champion.

Of course we all know where Marty went next. Sticking with the fundraising walk theme, combined with a celebrity suicide, Marty moved on to Out of the Darkness. We heard all about his great Nautical Smile/OPA weekend that never happened. When Marty started trying to hijack yet another suicide awareness walk, it's organizer quickly figured out that Marty was a lying idiot. She told Marty that he should just hold his own walk since he had such great resources to put to use. That's how we got to where we are today. Marty's great OPA charity. Constant "BREAKING NEWS" predictions, unnamed corporate sponsors, yet still not one cent donated. Marty made a good choice in making Robin Williams the celebrity focus of this scam. A beloved dead man can't say "MARTY WHO?"

We all know this latest Mongoose advocacy will be ending soon. Once again, it's a dead end for Marty. No donations are going directly to him and everyone associated to this latest cause is learning that he is a fraud. Sound familiar?

As we've watched Marty this past year, the list of his advocacy claims is bigger than his enormous ass. We didn't even bother to mention most. Human trafficking, tea party agenda, free speech rights of anti Arab protesters, civil rights, renters rights, code enforcement, jailed drug dealers, just to name a few. I do find it very interesting that Marty has decided not to advocate for one cause that should really be a big deal to him. Where is his crusade to free the leader of the Revolutionary Party, Director of Lawless America and Marty's man crush, Bill Windsor? What am I missing Mr Lawless America Regional Director? Your hero could sure use your advocacy right now. Let me guess why you've remained silent on this issue: You know Inmate #14-1898 has already cleaned out the lemmings so there are no donations left for you? 

And let's face it. Those idiots don't have any money to begin with. He should know better than anyone.

Marty Prehn's Veterans Day Greeting Cards

Happy Veterans Day Eve to all of our loyal readers, especially those that served in the armed forces. As our coverage of all things Marty Prehn continues, the supply of utter stupidity seems endless. Amid Marty's latest updates to his imaginary charity, OPA, Marty released some new information. This is the opening line of one of his lie filled updates:

Marty Prehn "Ok Mary. I am official now as a dear friend went and bought me official business cards which look very cool."

That's right CoMmies, the Mongoose is now official. Apparently VistaPrint has now ordained Marty an official something or another. Unfortunately, Marty never bothers to reveal what that is exactly. I guess as long as Flo buys him some business cards, it doesn't really matter what they say. Of course we are going to give it our best guess as to what exactly Marty's new official capacity is.

The base of every business card is the person's name. Even this is a tough one to figure out when dealing with Marty. He's called himself so many different things, how did he decide which of his great names to use? I'll list a few of the possibilities.

Marty "The Mongoose" Prehn

The Elder Avenger

Marty "The Elder Dawg" Prehn

Martin E. Prehn ESQ.

After Marty recovered from the headache induced by all the deep thought that went into which name would become official, the hardest decision of all was to be next. Marty would now have to decide what his "official" title was going to be. A business card is only so big and with all of the titles Marty has bestowed upon himself, he'd need a 5'x7' card to even come close to listing them all. How could Marty possibly limit advertising his greatness by choosing just one title? Personally, I think Marty should just go with _______________ Advocate and carry a crayon. Unfortunately, that would cause to many problems. There is no spell check when writing on a business card. And having to pull out his box of Crayola's when passing out his card would make him look sorta silly, don't you think? (did I really just write that?). I'll list my best guess at what Marty's latest great title might be:

- Certified Macomb County Elder Advocate

- National Elder Advocate
 
- Special Regional Advocate
 
- Guardian Angel

- FBI/CIA/DOJ/Secret Service Agent

- Legislation Consultant

- Campaign Advisor

- Bodyguard For Hire

- Code Enforcement Agent

- National Public Advocate

- Deed Restriction Advisor

- Hollywood Voice Coach

- President, MTM productions

- Auto Part Delivery Professional

- Linda's Bitch

There are just too many possibilities to list them all here. Feel free to add your own guesses in the comments below.

The bottom corners of Marty's "cool looking" business cards are pretty easy to design. One corner would have Marty's official government issue free Yahoo email address. The other corner would have his much publicized flip phone number. I just hope he has enough room for a note by his number. "If I don't answer towards the end of the month, I'll return your call after I receive my free minutes from the president"...

I look forward to the day we get to see what Marty's final decisions were on these tough questions. We shouldn't have to wait long though. Everyone present at the next city council meeting will be handed one I'm sure. And if all else fails, he can have Jamie Victory strategically slip them into the shopping carts at Kroger. I'm also sure there will be plenty of them left behind after Marty visits the VFW.  Think of it as toilet paper for the veterans. What a guy.

Semper Fi, Marty. Semper Fi...

Marty Prehn Resuscitates Long Deceased Mother - Film at 11:00

Happy Friday to our loyal CoMmie readers and national media types everywhere.

Before yesterday, I hadn't had the absolute pleasure of viewing the legendary "TeamX" video. Now that I have, I must tip my hat to the individuals responsible for its production. BRAVO!

This video falls right in line with the way this blog highlights Marty's lies, fake events, bogus charity work, empty threats and all around stupidity. You simply take his own words, add the truth after he's said them, and the narrative writes itself.

With Marty's recent reposting of his packed full of lies testimony to Bill Windsor, renamed without any mention of the now imprisoned Lawless America leader, TeamX decided to also revisit the true version of "Justice4Jean". Changing the color of the intro credits and the name of the producer doesn't change the fact that Marty's and Bill Windsor's video is an absolute lie. Sorry Marty, as usual with your scams, it just doesn't work that way.

Without further fanfare, I bring you the story behind the story of Marty's lie filled Justice4Jean abomination.

http://tinyurl.com/TrueJustice4Jean 

The Return of Justice 4 Jean...

Just when you thought YouTube did away with elder porn.

By popular demand, and with thanks to an old friend, the award winning exposé by TeamX is back.

Stay tuned, CoMmies.  You too, Marty...

"Don't Arrest Me. Think of My Good Works!"

I hope all of our readers had an enjoyable Halloween and even better Día de los Muertos! As I distributed candy to all of the Trick or Treaters that visited my home, I found myself thinking of Marty (how scary is that!). What do you think Marty dressed as for Halloween? Was he an undercover government agent, complete with Special Agent hat? How about a Suicide Awareness Advocate, complete with light up hat? Or did Marty spend Halloween hiding at Linda's, now that he could be a marked man for assisting Bill Windsor with his across the country stalking campaign? We know for certain that he didn't pay homage to his deceased ancestors for el Día de los Muertos. At least not this year, since Pop's ashes are no longer buried under his soiled underwear and masturbation waste collections.

As Marty fears for his own personal freedom (such as it is), has he now forgotten the importance of November 1st? That was to be a very big day with his great OPA event. Marty made this comment on his Facebook page recently:

"Marty Prehn
Thanks Teresa for your kind words. The OPA event that I have put together hopefully will get national attention and donations to start being reported starting November 1. Setting up the tv stations and the large commercial companies to take part in this fund raising event and we will have fun with it at the same time. More information to follow."

I take this comment to mean that the incredibly high dollar amounts donated to OPA will be reported on November 1st. As of this writing, still not a single nickel has been donated. The donation tracker in the top right corner of this blog is up to date. Maybe the big corporations and TV networks checks just haven't cleared the bank. Or is it possible they mistakenly sent their donation straight to Marty? We all know where the money went if that happened.

That comment also contains another regular diversion by Marty. Generally, when Marty says more info is coming, that really means he's run out of excuses and is getting ready to move on to his next great lie. I've never seen "more information" provided - Mongoospeak© for "I hope you'll lose interest and forget I said it in the first place". Is Marty in the process of inventing his next big event? Maybe we'll see a fundraising drive to help fund a millionaire's felony stalking defense, with money included for Marty's expenses for his diligent, "good work" helping to free Bill Windsor. Hey, it worked out so famously getting Jr off for selling smack to kids. Oh, that's right - he was convicted. But "Justice 4 Jr" was able to get him freed! Oops, wrong again. That was just another failed event with "more information to follow". 

Now that Mary's last hope for someone to save him from this blog, which in essence would be saving himself from his own stupidity being parroted beyond his otherwise unread Facebook page, what is the next move for the Mongoose? Will he head up the great "Save Bill Windsor" campaign? Will he follow in his fearless leader's footsteps and get imprisoned himself? Maybe Marty can get the Saint Clair Shores city council to pass a resolution demanding Big Vexi's immediate release. Then Marty could hand deliver it to the court in Montana, after a travel expense fundraiser of course.

Now that Windsor is essentially on ice, what threat will Marty use to attempt to silence his detractors, many of whom find this blog a place to discuss this boil on the ass of society. Will we see new cease and desist demands from him and that dumb-ass balloon clown? Now that his convict son is free, will Jr become his newest threat device? Will Linda step up to save her dream man by supplying him the money to retool his crime fighting machinery? Or will Marty just continue with the same stupidity he's used the last few years? Maybe he can get his old job back at the FBI/CIA/DOJ/ Secret Service. If not, I'm sure he can find a code violation somewhere to report. There has to be at least one evil puppy dog with an excessive bark habit somewhere in Saint Clair Shores.

That reminds me, I need to mow my lawn before Marty sees it and reports me. I'll be back shortly with more Marty updates, so keep checking back. 

Things are moving fast here, CoMmies...