Now that 2015 is well underway, everyone here knew Marty would be busy coming up with new events and snappy catchphrases for the new year. The first new phrase I saw Marty throw out was "Justice for Jean in 2015". This announcement was made a couple of weeks before the ball dropped in Times Square, but hasn't been seen since. How many years has Marty been getting this justice? So many, I've lost count. But I'm sure 2015 will finally be the year it happens. I believe the justice is scheduled to happen right after Marty wraps up this years million dollar "I Need a Hero" event/memorial service for the Mongoose. There should be the requisite fireworks associated with this great event, and, of course, national media coverage.
Our previous article covered Marty's great fundraiser announcement at the city council meeting. He claimed to be working with a local musician to organize a fundraiser for a woman he's never met or even spoken to. By now I'd bet that Jimmy V has already said "Marty who?" I have to admit, I'm disappointed Marty didn't bother to give this fundraiser a name or catchphrase, or perhaps it's enveloped into the covert "Operation Red Olive" and I don't have the proper security clearance. I still have hope he'll come up with something great by the next state of the Mongoose address. I'm thinking "The Hip Replacements jam for Marty's Latest Scam!"
Marty has just started the hype machine for the event I think could be his greatest for 2015. He has already come up with his rhyming name and begun asking people to participate in this great event. The CAMPOUT TO STAMPOUT!(C2S). This nondescript event has Marty written all over it. He's claiming to be organizing a big campout to help end suicide and bullying, along with any other causes he can think of to add. Were Marty to have a smidgen of loyalty in his idiot body, he'd be raising money for either sunscreen or thermal underwear for his fugitive friend, Bill Windsor. A scam coverall, if you will, with C2S the possibilities for this event are endless. Of course, as of this writing, no date for this extravaganza has been set. That will allow Marty to dream up all the various activities that will be happening during the campout, and work Flo for money for several months leading up to its sudden disappearance. "She can't remember what she had for lunch. Surely she'll forget why she wrote me a check..."
Marty also hasn't revealed the location for his great campout. It shouldn't be hard for the Mongoose to find a location though. Marty knows where all the great camping spots in Macomb County are from his days of sleeping in the Mongoosemobile. I'm sure he'll find the perfect spot, complete with a dumpster to feed from and pee behind. Marty will most likely try to keep the location a secret though. That's the only way to prevent a Flemshady drive-by video that proves the whole thing was a lie.
Marty hasn't mentioned the various camping activities he has planned yet but you know he'll be busy dreaming them up.
Any campout Marty is planning can't help but be as big a disaster as any horror movie camping trip, though. We are, after all, talking about Marty here. I'm predicting as big of a disaster as Lawless America... The Non-Movie.
Maybe Bob Seger will lead a sing-along. Grizzly Adams could lead a seminar on how to survive a night in the Detroit wilderness. Betty White can judge a Half Pint costume contest. Pastor Terry Jones will organize S'mores making at a Quran bonfire! It'll be a great time for everyone. Marty's friend, Carla Whatsherface, will head up the medical team. She can take care of applying band aids for scratches and mosquito bites or changing adult diapers. CIA help or terrorist chasing, optional.
Everyone fire up your PayPal account and get your deposit into Marty as fast as possible. As with any Marty event, he needs your money ASAP.
7-11 wants their Slim Jim money and Marty is out of gas again...
